180 Degrees Ch. 05 – Changes

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Chapter 5

Hello again!

Thank-you for taking the time to read chapter five!

I highly suggest you read ‘180 Degrees’ parts 1 thru 4 before this or you’ll be lost. And while being lost isn’t altogether a bad thing, missing out on how these two ladies started out would indeed, be a bad thing, especially because their story is getting particularly good now!

Settle in, get to know them, then watch as they navigate their new relationship and the bumps and bruises that are sure to come.

As always, great thanks go out to my beta reader/editor for all her help with this chapter. There is no way I could publish without her! I am beyond grateful for all the help over the last eleven months of writing.

If you are so inclined, favorite, rate, comment, and send me some feedback. I love hearing from everyone! I am forever grateful for the wonderful words you all share with me about the words I share with you.

‘I think the universe is on my side. Heaven and Earth have finally aligned’

To my #endgame this is just the start of something destined to be amazing.

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ABBY

“Abby. Abby.”

A voice was piercing the perfect calm of being almost awake but not really in the world yet. The ability to speak failed me, so I growled at it, willing the voice to go away and let me sleep. I crushed my body deeper into the mattress, feeling a soft blanket around my back and shoulders. The warmth was trying its best to pull me back into the void of dreamless sleep. Exactly where I wanted to be.

That warmth was brutally disrupted by a sudden chill across my entire body. “What the fuck?” The ability to speak had found me as harshly as the cold had. My head lifted off the mattress and it was then I saw Tasha. Realized I was in her bed. Saw the thin sun beam racing across the wall. The tail end hit her face as she sat there looking at me. It lit her green eyes up in such a way that my body was flooded with warmth. This warmth was different from the one that hit me last night. This was one of comfort and I knew in that moment, with zero doubts, that next to her was exactly where I belonged.

The ‘FUCK’ that bellowed from between my lips was both a reaction to the realization that I needed to get upstairs and being utterly overwhelmed by her. A feeling of being pulled in two directions at once was enveloping me.

She was squinting in the beam of sunlight. “Sorry. I just woke up.” Her hair was a disheveled sexy mess. I bit my lip in response. Her face wore the signs of her having entered the world of being awake only moments before I had.

My eyes went from her to the clock and new panic hit me. I was sitting up, looking for my clothes in an instant. My mind racing the whole time. Shit. I didn’t intend to fall asleep in her bed. Stay the whole night. My kids. Shit. My eyes landed on her again and I couldn’t stop the smile that found my lips. Was it proper to say thank you to the person who had given you more orgasms than you could keep count of? Some weird part of me wanted to. I refrained. Instead I stood up, still searching for my clothes. My eyes swept around her room, out into her small living-room, spotting my shirt and sweats. Removing myself from her bed I moved towards them, tossed them on, skipping the search for my bra.

She followed. Was standing watching as I hastily got dressed. Her eyes piercing me the way her voice had only moments ago. The idea that I had to leave her side in this moment was making my chest heavy. So many emotions washed over me in the blink of an eye. “I’ll text you. Please come up for coffee?” Were my own eyes transmitting the way I was feeling well enough for her to know I needed her to come upstairs when I texted? I could only hope.

She was standing there, not speaking. I hated leaving. Leaving scared of what waited for me upstairs. I hadn’t even said goodnight to the kids. Just came down here and stayed. I leaned in and lifted up on my toes and kissed her. Smiled again. “I’ll text.” My head nodding as I spoke, hoping that would let her know I was certain everything was okay.

And then I walked out of her space and back into mine.

Upstairs, I listened at the door before opening it. No sounds reached my ears. Slowly I cracked the door and listened again. Still quiet. Closing it gently, I made my way to my room. Both kid’s bedroom doors were shut, which was a good sign. It was Saturday, and they both usually slept in and it seemed they were. I thanked no one in particular for that small blessing.

Inside my own room, I took a long hot shower, no music playing this time, then got dressed. I texted Tasha, asking her to come up whenever she wanted to. If she wanted to. The words on the screen didn’t seem like nearly enough.

I wished the morning had gone a little different. Wished I had woken sooner so that we could have had a chance to talk. There was so much to talk to her about. So much to navigate. We started trabzon escort to the night before, but she overwhelmed me with desire when she asked if I would want her to kiss me in front of my friends. Aside from the fact I didn’t have many friends, that question had ignited something deep inside me.

Never before had the words ‘fuck me’ been uttered by myself with the meaning they had last night. With the raw need and desire that overtook me, spilling over into that small phrase. The look in her eyes when I said it barely prepared me for what awaited me in her bedroom. More than once I was glad her apartment was at the opposite end of the house from my kid’s bedrooms. The sounds that emanated from us both filled the room until the wee hours the morning. It was truly no wonder we had both slept in.

I glanced at my phone, but there was no word from Tasha. I sighed and went into the kitchen, taking it with me just in case. Her French press wasn’t up here any longer, so I turned on the Keurig. Paused after, remembering how much better the cups of coffee she had made me were.

Was it the French press or her? How was it I was craving something I didn’t know just a week ago. I guess the same way I was craving Tasha’s touch that I didn’t know until a week ago. I was lost in thinking about the way she used her tongue on my skin and didn’t hear Kris talking until she was apparently repeating herself.

“I said, good morning mom.”

I turned around. She was rubbing her eyes and yawning and in that moment she looked every bit like her five-year-old self. Before I knew what was happening, my arms were wrapping around her, giving her a hug. She didn’t hug me back at first, but eventually did. When the hug ended my coffee was ready, and I set about fixing it.

“Well that was weird.” She was eyeballing me like she had never seen me before. Hugs between us grew less frequent as she grew older. Impromptu ones were nearly unheard of now. “No Tasha this morning?” She moved towards the fridge and was pouring herself a glass of orange juice.

I glanced at my phone in case she had messaged me back, then shook my head no. I was chewing in on my lower lip, unsure why Tasha would choose to not come up here.

“Hummm.”

I looked at her. “Hum what?”

She shrugged, took another swig of her juice and said, “nothing.” This wasn’t her ‘nothing’ attitude. This was her ‘I have something I want to say but I’m deciding if I’m going to’ attitude.

“Kris, what?”

She put her juice cup down, hands still wrapped around it as she set it down on the granite countertop. “I just expected to see her up here with you after.” Her voice faded then resurged. “After you didn’t make it back up here last night.”

My eyes closed. Why did I think my absence wouldn’t have been noticed? Kris was smarter than that.

She moved closer, put her hand on my shoulder. “It’s fine mom. Really. But…you may want to talk to Sam soon. I had to talk him out of going downstairs to see what movie you two were watching.” She squeezed my shoulder then went to the cabinet looking for breakfast.

I groaned. It was in the middle of that groan that a knock came on the slider. My heart leapt knowing that the only person who had ever knocked on that door was Tasha. Kris walked over and let her in.

“Morning Tasha, how was your night? You look a little tired” Again, that challenging tone she tended to get with Tasha could be heard in her voice. I shot a look at her. She mouthed “what?” back. I shook my head.

“Nope, not tired at all. My night was exceptionally good Kris. How was yours?” She had her French press in her hands. I grinned when I saw it, hoping I wouldn’t have to drink the cup from the Keurig now.

“Good. Quiet with mom not here.” More challenge in her voice.

Tasha replied, “hum”, then put her French press on the counter, taking a look at the mug in my hands. She then filled and turned the kettle on and took the mug out of my hands. “I’ll make you coffee.” Her eyebrow rose up as she spoke.

I smiled. “Okay.”

Kris relaxed her posture and spoke again. “Tasha, do those things come in bigger sizes?”

Tasha turned back towards Kris. “They do.”

“Mom, you probably should get one for up here. And maybe one for downstairs.”

Her name sputtered harshly out of my mouth. “Kris!” I took a deep breath, unsure why I reacted in such a way to a simple suggestion.

“What? You like coffee. Tasha likes coffee. You like each other and will probably have more mornings together. Seems to make sense to me.” She shrugged her shoulders as if everything she said made perfect sense and I was crazy for questioning her.

I was shaking my head, but Tasha wasted no time in responding to her. “Great idea Kris. Abby, wanna hit the store later?” Her eyes hadn’t left Kris’.

I was staring at them both. “Umm.”

Kris had her hand on her hip. “That’s a ‘yes’ right mom?”

Why was I even bothering to question this? Everything trabzon escort bayan Kris said was exactly what I wanted. “Sure.”

“Okay good.” She gave me a big smile. “I want pancakes. If I make them, will you two eat some?” Kris asked without missing a beat, seamlessly transitioning to the next part of her morning. The one that was ruled by the need for food.

Tasha replied, “only if you have chocolate chips for them.”

“Of course, we do, is there any other way to make pancakes?” Kris laughed, totally at ease now. Gone was the challenge in her tone. I wondered how long before it came back.

Kris and Tasha continued their banter while Kris made breakfast and Tasha made coffee. I stood there with everything swirling around me, nothing fully settling down on me. The only thing that pulled me out of that swirl was Sam joining us in the kitchen.

“Morning.” He yawned deeply and slumped down at the island. “Oh pancakes. Yes please!” Excitement over a breakfast that wasn’t a bowl of cold cereal filled his voice.

“No way punk. You think you can sleep in and then just eat what I worked hard to make?” Kris loved to give Sam crap whenever the chance arose. Tasha laughed.

“Worked hard? It’s a mix from a box. Add water, add chocolate chips and ya know…heat. Definitely rocket science.” He quipped back.

“Whatever. I still got up and made them.”

I usually let them just go back and forth. It was generally better to let them work things out for themselves, but this morning I just didn’t have it in me not to interject. “Enough. Kris, there is plenty for the four of us. This isn’t necessary.”

Sam stuck his tongue out at her just as she turned back to the stove. I was glad she hadn’t seen it. He put his attention back to Tasha and me. “So, what movie did you two watch last night?”

He was directing the question at us both, but only making eye contact with Tasha. She didn’t even hesitate. “Fried Green Tomatoes. Ever see it?”

Sam furrowed his brow. “Sounds like a chick flick. So that’s a hard no.”

Kris was slowly filling up a serving dish with pancakes. I grabbed plates and silverware for us all and Tasha handed me a cup of coffee. Before long we were sitting at the island eating, the kids across from Tasha and me. They were all talking with such unforced ease.

I listened to the chattering around me and was suddenly filled with the overwhelming need to tell Sam about Tasha and I. “Sam.”

Mid-chew he stopped and looked at me. “Yeah.”

“I think you need to know something. Um. Tasha. Tasha and I…well we are…” I lost the words that had seemed like they’d come out so easily. My heartbeat was racing, and it felt as if I couldn’t catch my breath. The only sound I could hear was the thudding of my own heart inside my head.

Sam was blank staring me, mouth slack and I didn’t have the next thing to say. The air around me went heavy as I tried to slow my breathing and regain my focus. Tried to will the heavy air to breath the words into me that were needed to tell my son that his mother was sleeping with her driver. His soccer buddy. Had not been watching a movie the night before, but instead had spent the evening in another woman’s bed. A woman he greatly liked.

All nerve to do this, to tell him our truth, had utterly deserted me.

“Tasha and you what?” His big eyes were boring into me and I had nothing. Every bit of strength and courage that had filled me not a minute ago had abandoned me. I sat there unable to finish what I had started.

Would he accept this news as easily as his sister had? Or would he baulk?

He and Tasha had a great relationship themselves, would he think I had come out of left field and messed that up for him? He knew Tasha was gay. Knew before I did, but this still felt like something he could be mad at me for. He was a fifteen-year-old boy. They weren’t always well known for being rational in emotionally charged situations.

It was another great change in his life. His life had been filled with them over the last year. First his parents split up. His brother moves out. We move across town. Then I hire this woman and move her into our new home and now this. This might be the hardest of all changes for him. I was paralyzed with fear and doubt. Every word I could think of to say felt wrong. Like it might do more damage than good. Refused to exit my mouth anyways.

I felt a hand cover mine and squeeze. “Your mom and I are seeing each other Sam.” Tasha finished what I couldn’t. Her words simple, to the point. She spoke with no hesitation. Didn’t offer more information than was needed.

Sam swallowed his mouthful of pancakes, took a swig of orange juice, his eyes darting from Tasha to me, her hand on mine, and back. “Oh.”

Silence fell over the island. My eyes were down, unable to move to look at my son. He adored Tasha. For a bit he had a crush on her. I was stuck on how he was going to react. Everything seemed to be in escort trabzon slow motion around me. Did he even grasp what was said?

He sat back and said nothing. I could almost see the wheels of thought moving in his head. Was he putting pieces together or was he lost?

“Come on punk.” Kris broke the silence, nudged her brother, and continued. “Imagine being the kid with two moms. That’s what they are saying.”

With that I was able to speak again. “Kris…” She was jumping entirely too far into an uncertain future.

“Ohhhh. So, you’re like…a couple?” His face went from confusing to actually lighting up as he spoke.

There was a pause that hung in the air until Tasha answered him. “Yeah.” Her yeah was accompanied with another squeeze of my hand.

“Cool.” He was still smiling.

Kris put her hand over her face and said, “eloquent punk.”

I shot a look at Kris with her snarky comment.

Sam looked confused again. “Huh?”

“Nothing.” She rolled her eyes at him.

He looked at Tasha. “So, are you still mom’s driver?”

My heart skipped a beat waiting for her to answer him. She was still my driver. I was still her boss and now we were sleeping together. And she deemed us a couple. How exactly was that going to play out?

“I am. For now, anyways.” She replied to him, her last words said while glancing at me. Her hand was still squeezing mine, a fact that I was acutely aware of. Kris was too. She looked at that, then me as Tasha spoke to Sam. I missed most of what was exchanged between them and before long we were back eating and making idle chit chat, Tasha’s hand never moving off mine.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face for the rest of the day. Nor did I want to.

***

TASHA

“So how did you like that one?”

The second Avengers movie had just ended. Sam was in the reclining chair and I was on the couch with Abby. I wanted to tell the kid the movie was good but in reality, I had barely been able to focus on it. Most of the time had been spent asking myself why this was so hard. And wondering if it was me that was making it all so hard. Abby seemed relaxed. Sam was fine. He was, by all appearances, unphased by the fact his mother was ‘dating’ another woman. I marveled at the resilience and accepting nature of some people.

My ability to be relaxed and calm seemed to come and go when it came to this being ‘together’ with her kids around. I had no issues telling Sam about his mom and I the other day. Abby started to and lost her voice, and I didn’t even think before finishing what she had started.

For whatever reason, this still all felt..weird. To go from never being up here, to sneaking time when the kids weren’t around, to now being up here just existing as much as I had been. Maybe it was simply because things were actually still complicated. I was still working for Abby. We were together, but so far only inside this house.

Abby was in her usual corner and I was next to her. Kris was in her room, opting out of this movie. Abby held my hand the whole time. I leaned into her, but I was not able to relax. More than once she looked over at me and gave me a reassuring smile, but it just didn’t work.

Maybe it was because tomorrow was Thanksgiving. The kids were leaving in the morning for their dads. Maybe it was because after tomorrow, her ex would know about us too. Or was it knowing I would be spending the holiday at her best friend’s house?

Abby insisted Jan was fine with us, but the nerves I felt every time I thought about tomorrow wouldn’t leave me. They had been with me more often than not over the last week. I knew it was all the above. All the small worries were converging and creating this state of restlessness and uneasy within me.

Tonight, was the first time since we told Sam about us, about us ‘dating’, that we watched a movie together. I had dinner every evening with them, but Abby and I hadn’t spent the night together again. Going to bed alone in my apartment knowing she was just upstairs sucked. It felt like I was walking a weird tightrope, trying not to fall off either side.

Abby nudged me, which worked to snap me out of my thoughts and allowed me to reply to Sam. “It was good.”

“Awesome. Maybe we can watch the next one Friday or Saturday before we go back to dads.”

I told him sure, even though I wasn’t really sure if that would happen. It seemed odd to me that they were just going for the holiday and coming back for less than two days before leaving for two weeks. I felt guilty for wanting them to be gone for those two weeks. I wanted those days. That time for Abby and me to be alone.

“Did you forget that Jonah and Jill are coming Saturday?” Kris was suddenly sitting on the other end of the couch questioning her brother.

“Oh right. I did forget. Are the littles coming?” Sam looked hopeful. I knew from the few times I had seen him with his niece and nephew that he enjoyed playing with them.

“Yes, they are.” Abby answered him but glanced at me. New uneasy feelings washed over me. This was the first I was hearing about them coming.

“Cool. What are we eating when they are here?” He got up and started out of the room not waiting for his mother to answer. I was sure all he ever thought about was his stomach. “I’m gonna go shower.”

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