First Kiss 9 – Fawn #2

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First Kiss 9 – Fawn #2B.t.V.S. – First Kiss 9 – Fawn #2Dawn looked down at the blood pooling on the bathroom floor. Her blood. She put the letter opener down on the counter with a shaky hand as more blood spilled from her cuts.She sat down on the bathroom floor, then curled into a ball and started sobbing. She had needed some kind of release from the pain she suffered daily. Everyone around her was always happy, cheerful, and totally ignorant of the turmoil in Dawn’s heart. She needed a different kind of pain to drown out the pain she already felt. Something external, something she could see, that she could use to take her mind off of her.Buffy was happy with her boy toy, Riley. Willow and Tara were perfect for each other. Giles and Joyce were busy planning a wedding, and Xander and Anya were married already themselves.Faith…Faith was single, and was planning on staying that way for a long time yet. She wasn’t quite ready to settle down with one person yet, and when she finally is, it’ll be with a guy. Faith was definitely not gay. She definitely wasn’t into Dawn.And that hurt.Even the cuts Dawn had just inflicted on herself only masked the pain momentarily.Now it was back, and the cuts only added to her pain.So she just lay there on the ground, hurting inside and out, and watching her blood spill out onto the floor. Something was wrong. She cut herself too deeply. The blood was spilling too fast, and wasn’t clotting.She was feeling weak. When she heard the front door open, she tried to call for help, but she was too weak to be successful.”Dawn!” She heard Faith’s voice call out.”Faith…” Dawn said weakly.”Dawn?” Faith called again.”Fai…” Dawn was losing consciousness.Faith saw the light coming from under the bathroom door, and figured Dawn was inside.”Hey, Dawn, that you in the bathroom?” Faith could hear something, but Dawn didn’t answer. “Dawn?”Still no reply came.”Dawn?!” Faith started to get worried. When still no answer came, Faith busted down the door and was horrified when she saw Dawn laying in a pool of her own blood, and bloody letter opener on the counter.”Fuck, Dawn!” Faith screamed, and she quickly picked Dawn up and set her down in the bathtub. She grabbed some towels from the closet and wrapped them tightly around Dawn’s arms, stopping the bleeding while fighting away tears.”Damn it Dawn, what the hell were you thinking?” Faith growled to herself as she tried desperately to stop the bleeding. She held the makeshift bandages on Dawn’s arms while she took out her cell phone and dialled 911.”911 emergency, how can I help you?” A woman’s voice asked cheerfully.”I need an ambulance! 1630 Revello Drive! My friend’s s!ster cut herself badly!””Emergency services will be there shortly.” Faith hung up and called Buffy.”What’s up?” Buffy asked grumpily. She had chosen to stay the night at Riley’s dorm room, and Faith had obviously interrupted something.”Buffy! Get home now! It’s Dawn!”Buffy was suddenly on alert. “What happened?!””She was upset or something, so she cut herself! A lot!””I’m on my way!”Faith hung up the phone and got in the tub with Dawn, cradling her while holding the bandages tightly.”It’s gonna be, okay, Dawnie.” Faith whispered, tears streaming as freely as the blood from Dawn’s arms.Dawn woke up in a hospital room, very weak and very tired.”Hmm?” She moaned, and Buffy was instantly by her side.”Dawn?” She asked, still worried, even though the doctors said she’d be alright.”Wh… Where’s Faith?” Dawn asked. It hurt that she was only asking for Faith, but to be fair, she had saved Dawn’s life.”She’s at work right now. They called her in early today. A popular group is playing tonight, and the Bronze is packed. They needed everyone to work a bit longer today, so she’s picking up some overtime.” Buffy explained. Faith had recently gotten a job as a bartender at the Bronze, and was quickly proving to be an asset.”Oh.” Dawn said, disappointed.”You feeling better?” Buffy asked.”Yeah.” Dawn replied, knowing where this was going. Better get this over with.”What the hell were you thinking?” Buffy asked, tears in her eyes. “You… You could have… If Faith hadn’t gotten there when she did… hadn’t thought quickly… I… we could have… could have lost you.””Like you care.” Dawn muttered, but Buffy’s Slayer hearing picked it up.”How could you say that? Of course I care! You’re my s!ster! You’re all I have left!” Buffy’s tears fell, burning her flesh in anger.”Whatever. You’re never around. All you ever do is go sle*p with Riley, and when you’re not doing that, you’re on patrol. Either that or you’re at work. The only time you ever spend with me anymore is when you bring home the pay-check. Faith’s more my s!ster now than you are.”Dawn’s words stung like a thousand wasps, and in that moment, Buffy would rather get turned into a vampire than hear Dawn say that again. She couldn’t bring herself to be angry, her heart was so heavy.She looked down at the ground and buried her face in her hands, her sobs shaking her body.”Buffy?” Dawn asked, now feeling bad for what she said. “Buffy, I’m… I’m sor-“”No, you’re right.” Buffy interrupted. “You’re absolutely right. I haven’t been a s!ster. I haven’t been a s!ster, haven’t been a friend, and haven’t even been a girlfriend in a long time. The only thing I do with Riley even remotely resembling a relationship is have sex with him. I don’t talk to Willow or Faith or Xander or Giles anymore unless there’s something that needs to be slayed. And I certainly haven’t been there for you. God, Dawn, I’m so… so sorry.” Buffy sobbed.”Buffy, sakarya escort it… it’s okay.””No, Dawn, it damn well isn’t!” Buffy shouted. “For god’s sakes! I’ve been ignoring everything! I haven’t even really gone out on patrols in a week! I’ve just been going to this bar in town and drinking all night!” she confessed. “That’s why I’ve been so irritable lately, because of my headaches! And on top of that, I drove my s!ster, my only blood relative, to… to do… this!”Dawn was stuck in a moral trap. Should she tell Buffy why she really cut herself? Or should she let Buffy believe that it was because of her lack of involvement in anyone’s life, including Dawn’s, that drove her to cut herself? Buffy would fix what she’d been doing, and everything might go back to normal, but she’d blame herself for Dawn getting hurt. For hurting herself. No. Dawn had to do the right thing.”Buffy… I… I didn’t cut myself… because of you…” Dawn replied hesitantly, and Buffy slowly looked up.”Then… then why?” Buffy sniffled.”Um… I… I just have some stuff going on that I needed to work out. But it’s over now. Everything’s fine now.””No it’s not. Dawn, you cut yourself.””Yeah I know. I was there.””Dawn, what drove you to do it if it wasn’t me? If it’s really over, then it shouldn’t matter whether I know or not. And if it’s not over, I need to know. Maybe I can help you.””No. This isn’t something you can help with.””So it’s not over then.” It wasn’t a question, and Dawn realized her slip up.Dawn sighed and looked away. Confession time. “No. No, it’s not over. But I’m not going to cut myself again.””You don’t know that. If it’s not over, then it’s still hurting. And if it’s still hurting, you might do it again, to take your mind off of the pain. And you might not get so lucky next time. Please, Dawn. Let me help.”Dawn whimpered. It did still hurt. It hurt a lot. And the only one who could help was Faith, but she wasn’t here, nor was she in the right position to help.”Dawn. What’s on your mind?””I… I’m… I’m in… I’m in love with… with…””With who?” Buffy asked, dreading the answer. If she was right, then Dawn may be right, and Buffy couldn’t help. If it were Riley, or any of the other Scoobies, then Buffy had no chance of helping. And there was only a slim chance she could help if it was someone at school.”I’m in love with Faith.” Dawn confessed, sobbing like a baby, and it broke Buffy’s heart to see it. What broke her heart even more was the fact that it was Faith. Faith was… Faith. And Faith was very much not into girls, especially girls much younger than herself.”F… F- F- Faith?” Buffy stammered.”See? You can’t help. Faith would never be interested in me, even if she was gay.”Buffy hugged Dawn close, as if she could keep the pain away just by hugging her.* * *”Faith, we need to talk.” Buffy said, dragging Faith away from the bar.”Hey, B? What the hell are you doin’? I’m at work!” Faith hissed, still reeling from seeing Dawn on the bathroom floor, covered in her own blood.”Hey, Faith! Either show your girlfriend to the door or get her a drink, but get back to work!” Faith’s boss shouted over the music.”Shut up!” Buffy screamed back, and both Faith and the asshole boss jumped in surprise. “It’s a fam!ly emergency!””Wait, is it Dawn?” Faith asked, suddenly very worried.”Yes, but not about the cuts. Well, not really about the cuts, but kind of related to that issue.” Buffy explained, walking away, knowing Faith would follow.”Um… Look, Jimmy… five minutes, okay?” Faith asked her boss, and he relented, afraid of the blonde woman that yelled. She sounded like someone he did NOT want to piss off.”B, what’s goin’ on?” Faith asked when they were outside.”It’s… um… there’s something you should know about Dawn. Something I just found out today myself when I went to visit her in the hospital.””Wait, she’s awake? Damn, ’bout time. After two days, you’d think she’d have woken up sooner.””Yeah.” Buffy agreed. “Anyway… I was talking to her, and it’s been pointed out to me that I haven’t really been involved in… Well, anything lately. I’m going to change that now, but that’s not why I’m here. Um… It’s why Dawn… did what she did.””Oh yeah? She tell you that?””Yeah… Um… See, the thing is… Well, she’s hurting. And not just from the cuts.””Figured as much. She’d have to be for her to try somethin’ like that.””And… well… she’s hurting… because… because of… you.””What?!” Faith screamed, not liking what Buffy was implying.”It’s true. It’s hurting her. You are, I mean.””Fuck.” Faith’s heart shattered. “Well… are you serious?””Dead.””Fuck…” Faith sat down on the sidewalk and buried her face in her hands. “Well… If… Damn… It’s got to be because of Finch… I’ll. If I’m hurtin’ Dawn… I gotta go. I gotta leave. I can’t keep hurtin’ her. She’s like a s!ster to me, and-“”Actually, that’s not why she’s hurting. That last thing is.””What?””She doesn’t care about Finch. It’s the s!ster thing. It hurts that you think of her as a s!ster.””Why, ’cause I’m not?””No. Because she doesn’t want to be your s!ster. Or your friend. She… She loves you, Faith.””Well, I love her, too. She knows that.””But not in the way she loves you. Faith, she’s in love with you.”Faith’s jaw dropped in surprise. No. Surprise couldn’t begin to cover what she was feeling.”Wait… wha… huh? Dawn’s… g… Dawn’s into…?””Yeah. Dawn’s in love with you, Faith. And you think of yourself as her s!ster. And you’re not into girls. And even if you were, you’d only be interested in girls your age. Faith, this adapazarı escort is way more than just some little s!ster having a crush on big s!ster’s friends. This is more than a simple crush. She cut herself because she can’t have you.”Faith was now sobbing as much as Buffy had been earlier. How could she not have seen it? Ever since Faith had met the young girl, she’d been hanging on to her every last word, and following wherever they let her follow. Whenever Faith was in sight of the young brunette, her eyes never left the Slayer. It was obvious.It was too obvious. No one had seen it.”Damn it! How the hell can we help her?! What the hell do we do about this?! No way Dawn’s gonna agree to see a shrink about this! And I can’t just fall in love with her! I’m not gay! I’m not bisexual! I’m fuckin’ straight! And I’m a fuckin’ whore!” Faith was shouting at the sky, and Buffy just pulled her into a hug, and they both cried into each other’s shoulders.”I don’t know, Faith. I don’t know.” Buffy sobbed, and the words felt like boulders weighing on both of their hearts.* * *”Hey, Dawn.” Faith said nervously when she visited Buffy’s s!ster the next day.”Oh. Hey, Faith.” Dawn said, and felt the all too familiar urge to confess her feelings to her.”Doc says that you can come home today. Luckily, the blood transfusions, or whatever the hell they’re called, worked without a problem. Plus, looks like you’ve got some of B’s Slayer healing after all. Doc says he’s not really surprised. Ever since he’s come to this town, he’s handled a lot of weird cases. Cases much weirder than you recovering so quickly from cu… cuttin’ yourself.””You’re mad, too.” Dawn realised.”Damn right I am!” Faith snapped. “I’m mad. Buffy’s mad. Red’s mad. Xander’s mad. Giles is mad. Hell, even Anya’s mad. Dawn, you coulda killed yourself! We could be plannin’ your fuckin’ funeral right now! I get that you’re a teenager, and that you’re goin’ through some kinda emotional problem things, but that’s still no fuckin’ excuse for doing what you did.””Buffy told you.” Dawn guessed.”Told me what?””About why I did it.””Don’t matter why you did it. Point is, you did it. We almost lost you. You think you’re hurtin’ because you fell in love with someone you can’t have? Imagine how the rest of us would feel if… if you were gone. We almost lost you. I almost lost you!”Faith slumped into a chair beside her and sobbed again, tears of anger drenching her face.”Yeah. B told me. Told me that you’re in love with me. Dawn, I know you think I’m hot, ’cause let’s face it, I am. If I were into girls, I’d wanna fuck me, too. But I’m not a good person to fall in love with. I drink, a lot. I smoke, a lot. Occasionally I do d**gs. Don’t tell B about that, but it’s true. I get high once in a while. In the evenings, I work at a bar with tons of alcohol. I get my ass slapped every five seconds by some random douche bag who’d just as soon rap* me as leave me alone. I’m very violent, I’ve been abused most of my life, and I can die at any moment because of my other night job. On top of all that, I’m a fuckin’ whore. I’ll shag just about any guy who even makes the smallest attempt to seduce me if I’m horny. On top of that, I’ve killed a human. Sure, it was an accident, but there’s no saying it won’t happen again, ’cause it just might. A dark night, I can barely see, and I’m so caught up in slayin’ a large group of vamps to save some human from being a midnight snack, and all of a sudden, I accidentally stake the person I’m trying to save ’cause I get surprised when he tries to thank me. It could happen, and I couldn’t live with myself if it happened again. Dawn, forget about me. We’re s!sters. Not by blood, but we are. And that’s all I can ever let us be. You just… you forget about me. Find yourself a nice guy, or girl, whichever you prefer. Find yourself someone to love who’ll love you back, the way you’ll love them. Get your heart broken a few times, but find a way to pick up the pieces and start over again. But forget about me.”They sat in silence for what seemed like forever, the only sounds were their sniffles as they cried.”Faith, I can’t forget about you.” Dawn said finally, after her eyes had dried. “I’ve been trying for years now. I just can’t forget about you. I… I love you.””Well… Then I have to leave.” Faith said, and Dawn choked on the breath she took.”No!” Dawn screamed, and started struggling against the tubes sticking out of her to get up.”Dawn, I have to. I can’t keep hurting you just by being around you. I just can’t do it. I love you too much. You and B, and even Willow are the closest things I’ve ever had, and ever will have, to being s!sters. I can’t stand the thought of hurting any of you.””But if you leave, that’ll hurt, too!””Yeah. But not as much as if I stayed. Trust me. I know how much it hurts to be so close to someone you love, someone you’re in love with, and know they’ll never return your love.” Faith’s eyes showed her sadness, even through the faked smile she wore as a mask. And Dawn suddenly knew who she was talking about.”Buffy?” Dawn asked, and Faith’s surprise confirmed it. “Oh, the irony. I would, naturally, fall for the girl who’d secretly fallen for my s!ster. That’s rich. So that’s why you see me as a s!ster.””No. I mean yeah, that’s part of it. But I felt like an older s!ster to you long before I fell in love with Buffy. I’ve always felt protective of you, Dawn. Same as Buffy does. But you see, I have to leave. For both you and me. If I stay, I’ll not only be hurtin’ you, but myself, too. It hurts me just sakarya escort bayan as much to be around Buffy as it does you to be around me. Can I show you something?” Faith asked.Dawn nodded, and Faith pulled her shirt up so her stomach was showing, and Dawn saw a small scar across her stomach.”Wha… What happened?””Remember a few months ago, Xander came to my apartment, and found me on the ground, bleeding? Told everyone it was a vamp attack?””Yeah?””Well, it wasn’t a vamp. He found me there, and called an ambulance. He did me a favour and poked my neck a couple times to fake a vamp attack, so you guys wouldn’t figure out what actually happened. But… It happened about two months after I met B. I fell for her, hard, and I’d never really loved anyone before, ‘cept my first Watcher, Diana. But she was like a mom. B was… not. I fell in love with her. But she was head over heels for Angel still, even after she killed him. Well, then came the day I figured out he was back. I… um…””You cut yourself?” Dawn asked incredulously.”No. No. I didn’t just cut myself, like you did. You cut yourself to block out the pain. For me, the pain was too much. I tried to kill myself. I took a knife from my kitchen, and I stabbed myself in the gut. As soon as I did it, though, I was scared. I instantly regretted it. I felt my blood spilling out on the floor… I felt myself dying. It was… It was scary. It was damned terrifying. Luckily, Xander was on his way over, ’cause Giles sent him. There was a new big bad in town, and G needed everyone to meet up for some research, and that included me. G didn’t know my phone number, so he sent Xander instead. Xander found me, kept the knife in me so I wouldn’t bleed out, and he wrapped me up tight the way I did you, and called the ambulance. He saved my life. I still have nightmares about that. It was really the only thing I’ve ever faced that scared me. That, and when I killed that man. Finch. Buffy was there for me, though. And that made me fall even harder for her.”Dawn’s mouth was open in shock, and fresh tears were welling up in her eyes.”You see? I know how you feel. And if you don’t think you can get over me… well, I know I won’t get over B. Not when I have to see her and her soldier boy damn near every day. I gotta leave. I… I can’t stay.””Faith… please, don’t leave. I need you. Buffy needs you. We’re your fam!ly.””Yeah, well… I’ll give it tonight. I’m tired. I gotta get some sle*p, anyway. If, tomorrow, I’m magically over B, and you somehow get over me… I’ll stay. If not, though… I’ll leave.” Faith didn’t say another word before she left.Buffy came and got Dawn to take her home an hour later.* * *Just as Faith’s dreams were filled with Buffy, Dawn’s were filled with Faith.Dawn was awakened by a knock on her door.”Dawn?” Buffy asked sadly, sticking her head in the door.”Yeah?” Dawn yawned.”Faith’s here. She says she’s fixing to leave, but she wants to say goodbye first.” Dawn’s eyes filled with tears already as Buffy spoke. “Dawn… I’m so sorry. I… I’ll have Faith come up.” She closed Dawn’s door behind her. It opened again a minute later, Faith walking in and closing it once more.”Hey, Dawnie.” Faith said softly. “I’m… uh… I’m leavin’ now. I… I can’t just… you know… get over… you know… And I know you haven’t gotten over me, either. So… I’m leavin’. I just came to say goodbye.””Goodbye, then.” Dawn said angrily, refusing to look Faith in the eye.”Come on, Dawn. Don’t do that. If this is the last time we see each other, I don’t want to leave with you angry. That’s not how I want to leave things.”Dawn sighed and turned to look at Faith.”I… I’m leavin’ in about ten minutes. Wanna beat the mornin’ traffic. Um… Come here.” Faith opened her arms to hug Dawn.Dawn accepted the hug and pressed herself firmly against Faith, breathing in her scent, as if that would keep her there. Faith felt her chest getting wet with Dawn’s tears.”Come on, no tears, Dawnie. Please, no tears. Come on, I’ll do anything. Just no tears.””Anything?””Anything.””Don’t leave!””I have to. Anything but that. I’ll do anything, just not stay. I can’t stay.””Well… then…” Dawn pulled away, unable to meet Faith’s eyes.”Dawn?””You said anything. Anything but staying. You’ll do anything but stay?””Yeah. Anything else.””Then… kiss me? Please. Kiss me?””Dawn…” Faith warned, knowing it would make it harder, knowing it would hurt Dawn more.”Please? Just… Just once. Kiss me? You can pretend I’m Buffy. Please…” Dawn looked Faith in the eyes, and Faith knew she couldn’t refuse her.”Okay… Just once…” Faith didn’t pretend it was Buffy she was leaning in to kiss. She knew it would hurt worse if she did.Their lips met, and Dawn knew she made a mistake in asking Faith to kiss her. Because she couldn’t stop. Dawn deepened the kiss, opening her mouth and begging Faith to open hers. Her arms wrapped around the taller girl, pulling her tighter and tighter.Faith relented, letting Dawn explore her mouth, just once. Only once.In the movies, this is usually when the girl realises that this was the person she’d been in love with all along, not the s!ster. Faith thought. But this wasn’t a movie. Faith knew it was Buffy. It had always been Buffy. It would more than likely always be Buffy.Dawn was sobbing into the kiss. She had hoped that Faith would kiss her, and fall in love with her. Forget about Buffy. And Faith would stay, and be hers. Everyone would be happy.But Faith was hesitant with everything, and tense, and obviously not falling in love with Dawn. Finally, Dawn pulled away and watched as Faith walked away with not another word, or another glance. She threw herself onto her bed and screamed into her pillow, her screams growing louder as she heard Faith’s car start and pull away.Dawn knew she’d never see Faith again.

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