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I’d expected there to be some awkwardness the next morning around Danny but the sly grin on his face in the hungover haze of the late morning showed me how comfortable he had been with what he’d seen. And sleep hadn’t changed any of the feelings I had about what I’d done and what he’d seen either.
I wanted him, regardless of who he was with. And I was pretty confident he wanted me too. It was just a matter of who would act first.
That wasn’t something I was good at still. It’s one thing to get drunk and let my housemate’s boyfriend watch me fuck his friend, but something entirely different to make a pass at him and instigate what I really wanted.
And what I wanted was the most incredible need and desire I’d felt for someone. With my previous boyfriend and other former lover’s the lead up had been short and sharp, and over as quickly as it had happened.
Danny was different – after the party we continued to see one another and share lingering looks. On nights out there would be fleeting touches that got my heart racing, where his hand would rest on my exposed upper arm and I’d feel his lips brush my ear as he shouted above the raucous sound of dance music in the student bar. Sometimes I’d take someone home with me and pretend it was Danny, but knowing it wasn’t Danny made it feel hollow.
The imitation was nothing compared to the real deal – even if I’d never had the real thing to compare it to.
The tension was unbearable at times. Still I heard him almost nigthly fuck Katie, my housemate oblivious to what had occurred between me and the man who’s name she cried as he took her in countless positions that I probably didn’t even know – at least in my mind anyway. Even my trusty toy wasn’t enough – I needed his hands on me, his lips tasting me and, most important of all, his cock deep inside of me.
It was something that ate at me as time moved on, frustrating me and distracting me from studies and everything else going on in my life. It was consuming me and, what was worse, was that I knew there was no way it could really happen. There was no time where it was just me and him alone and I feared sending any message to him would be intercepted by his girlfriend and it would make the living arrangements at best awkward, and at worst hostile.
Forlorn, I was close to giving up on Danny knowing that it would only lead to pain. But before I did I wanted him to at least know how I felt, so my cards were on the table and he could make his own mind up – maybe he just thought that the birthday present I’d given him was just that? And I didn’t want him thinking that at all.
I chose a night out to share these feelings, using the courage only alcohol can give to tell him how I felt. Waiting until Katie had gone to the bathroom, I took his arm and lead him aside to a relatively quiet corner of the club.
“About the birthday… gift I gave you.” I said, finding it hard to say what I wanted to say when I needed to say it.
“Ah,” he responded somewhat glumly. “Wondered when this might come up. Like… I’m so-“
“I don’t want you to be sorry.”
Danny looked at me with a surprised expression on his handsome face and I pushed forward quickly.
“I… wanted you to see me like that. I like you Danny. Really like you. And I know you’re with Katie and you’re clearly happy cuz I hear it most nights but I just wanted you to know…”
I looked away from those open and honest eyes and exhaled in an exasperated tone, because I didn’t know what to tell him. In the end I shrugged helplessly at him, giving him a weary smile.
“Just want you to know I like you.”
He stared blankly at me for a time, blinking stupidly and somewhat in tune with the thunderous bass of the music. But before he could say anything Katie was back and taking his arm, leading him away from the small cove and out to the dancefloor because there was ‘a proper tune coming on’. And any hope of hearing how he felt was gone.
That night I got very, very drunk.
With my shot played with the realisation nothing would come of me and Danny, I turned to my studies to get away from the melancholy that had made itself at home inside of me. I started going out less and instead spent time mostly alone downstairs watching christmas movies on the shared television in our living room until the early hours.
It was a dark period but I did know it would pass – I just needed time to mend my battered heart after a few months of not being too kind with it. I told myself that I would go home pendik escort for christmas, spend time with family and reset my priorities, before coming back to university with a little more savvy for dealing with troublesome boys.
But I wasn’t going to make it to the break without making one more mistake.
A few nights before I was due to head back home for the winter break I had camped downstairs and settled under my dressing gown to watch a few movies. Such was my comfort, in baggy shirt and pajama bottoms, that I had no real desire to move and go to bed. And when Home Alone came on I decided that, despite the late hour, I’d at least watch my favourite christmas movie.
The rest of the house was silent, my housemates all asleep in their beds with their respective other halves. It was those nights where I felt most lonely, missing out on the simple act of spooning and being held and maybe kissed.
Around 1am, with the film close to finishing, I heard footsteps and the creak of the old floorboards in the stairs as someone came down. I glanced at the door as whoever it was hesitated, and then the door pushed forward and Danny’s head peaked in.
“Hey,” he said softly. “What you watching?”
“Oh… um… Home Alone. You seen it?”
“Course I’ve seen it,” he said pleasantly, stepping into the room wearing a plain black tee and some grey cotton shorts. Even in those he looked cute, especially with his dark hair mussed and a significant amount of stubble on his face.
A silence drew out and he was about to leave the room when I suddenly spoke. “You can stay and watch the end. If you like.”
His eyes came back to mine – soft and gentle – and then he nodded. I watched him push the door closed and he pottered over to take the seat next to where my feet were on the battered sofa.
For a moment I just looked at him as he watched the film, not quite believing he was finally close to me and alone. He’d not said anything to me about what I’d said in the club and perhaps he didn’t remember, or was too embarrassed to bring it up. And then he coughed under his breath after a few minutes of silently watching the film together and started to speak.
“What you said… on that night out.” he said, reading my thoughts apparently but not looking at me as he spoke. “It… I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like you a little too. But… you know…”
As quickly as he’d given me a glimmer of hope he’d dashed it. Of course I knew how that sentence finished – that he was with Katie. It was an undeniable fact and in the way of what we both felt. There was little I could do other than smile at him as he looked at me for my reaction.
“I understand” I whispered, and turned back to the film and hoped he didn’t see the look of devastation in my eyes.
He must have seen something because he placed a hand gently on my ankle and brushed the exposed skin. “I’m sorry. And thanks for being cool. Do you… wanna hug?”
It was perhaps a mistake to agree to physical contact with him, but with my mute acceptance he lay down on the sofa in front of me and wrapped his arms around me, my forehead resting on his chest. Such tenderness I’d not experienced since breaking up with Nick – all my lovers felt insincere when they held me. Not so with Danny, who’s fingers traced along my back soothingly.
I pulled myself closer to him and sighed. If this was all I could get then I’d take it, I thought, even as his fingers lightly moved under my shirt to the small of my back. It was a surprise, but not an unwelcome one. Making a small whimper of satisfaction I shimmied closer to him, my hands gripping to his back as his fingers drew tiny circles along my spine and slid further under my shirt.
My own hands started to stroke him then, the film utterly forgotten now I’d fallen into this with him. Fingers traced the outline of his shoulder blades, touching him innocently enough but knowing deep down that this was at the very least borderline inappropriate. Certainly Danny was, his hands moving further up my shirt now where he’d have found the clasp of my bra if I’d been wearing one.
Our breathing was heavy and the ache between my legs more pronounced than it had been for a while. And while I was growing a little more adventurous with how I was touching him, with one hand moving towards his behind, it wasn’t until I had touched the nape of his neck that he spoke.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” he asked in a thick voice.
“Yes” I breathed back, not even hesitating maltepe escort and not even thinking about the consequences of what we’d just talked about. All I cared about was the insatiable need for him that had been building up like a pressure cooker for months and months. And when he’d offered a release, no matter how sudden and inappropriate, I was going to take it.
Danny moved away from me, fingers tracing my body as he did, and situated himself between my now parted legs. Our eyes were locked together, unable to look away from one another. Even as he started to slowly push my top up, his hands sliding across my flat stomach.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” he asked me again in a hoarse whisper, and I nodded and whimpered – there was nothing more I wanted in the world than to know what it would be like to be with him.
When he finally pushed the shirt past my breasts and dragged his palms across my hardened pink nipples, my back arched and my eyes fluttered shut. I blindly reached for those strong hands and helped him knead my tits, before they disappeared and instead I felt the weight of his body come down on me and his lips touched mine.
My mouth was hungry for his. Instantly our lips parted and our tongues grazed, my hands quickly in his thick, dark hair. Passion flooded me, and the need for everything I’d dreamed about with him grew until it was like a maelstrom within me. I started to yank desperately at his shirt, trying to make it clear to Danny that I needed to feel his bare chest against mine without using words because our mouths were too busy kissing.
When he eventually pulled away to remove it our breathing was ragged. There were a few moments where he removed his shorts and I removed my bottoms clumsily, both frantically trying to undress before common sense, or worse, someone came down and saw what we were doing. But youth and lust is a potent combination, and I don’t think anything could have stopped us from doing what we were doing – not even Katie.
As if to prove just that, Danny didn’t wait to enter me. I didn’t want him to wait – infact I made it very clear I needed him with my gasped mantra of “Yesyesyes” to his desperate and repeated whisper of “I’m gonna fuck you”.
His cock slid easily to the very depth of my womanhood, completing me in the way I’d been desperate for since I stopped seeing David. This was what I’d been after, I thought as I gripped his behind just as he started to fuck me. There was no need to be drunk with Danny – this was what I’d been seeking since I’d started dating.
A genuine emotional and physical connection to someone. It was just a shame he was dating my housemate.
At that moment I didn’t care though. Not when his hands were planted on the seat cushion each side of my head and he was pistoning his manhood into me, using his full length to pleasure me in ways I’d only imagined with him before.
The reality was every bit as intense as the fantasy – if anything it moreso. The added risk of us throwing caution to the wind, fucking on the shared sofa in the shared living space of my student house made it even hotter.
All we needed to be was quiet. Which was difficult when the man I’d wanted for months had one foot on the floor and was using the extra leverage to take me harder, his hands moving to grip my hips to draw him harder onto his cock. I felt my firm tits jiggle on my chest as he rattled into me, his eyes drawn to them hungrily.
My mouth moved into differing shapes, small squeaks escaping every now with a shiver of breath. Occasionally I couldn’t stop a quiet moan escaping, and after the third one Danny dropped down to quieten me with his mouth on mine.
Our bodies close made the experience more heightened. I’d not just needed his cock, to fuck him. I needed him close to me too. Each grind into me now grazed my clit, sending little shocks through my body and I clung to Danny with his grunts filling my ear as I came undone suddenly for him.
Fireworks filled my vision as I climaxed, and I stifled the cries I needed to make by biting lightly on Danny’s shoulder – something I probably shouldn’t be doing considering he wasn’t mine to mark. He didn’t stop fucking me as my cunt gripped his cock, spasming through the orgasm he’d so easily given to me.
When he eventually slowed down it was to pull his now sodden cock from my pussy. “Turn around,” he gasped, and he helped me get on all fours as my legs were shaky and barely under my control. As soon as I was stable though, kartal escort my legs under me and my arms resting on the arm of the chair, he filled me again.
This time he was slow, his body pressed against my back and his hands gripping both of my breasts as he ground his cock into me with the meticulous rolling of his hips. Turning my head back with an arch of my back, our eyes made contact for a brief moment. I expected to see shame and guilt perhaps, or at least I worried I might.
Instead all I saw in those handsome, kind eyes was a smile. He’d wanted this as badly as I had. He’d felt the same things. Reaching back to grip him close to me, our lips met gently in a way that explained how we both felt without the need for words.
That there was the light bloom of feelings involved. Nothing like I thought I’d felt with David – he’d been right about that. This though, was real.
There was still need though. While we tried to keep our lips locked, it proved impossible when he started to jolt harder and faster into me as he sought his own release. Releasing my grip on his torso, instead I leaned on the arm of the sofa and arched my back, my ass pushing out against him as Danny started to fuck me harder.
“Holy… holy shit,” he breathed heavily into my ear, a hand in my red locks and the other stimulating my clit. “I’m close… I’m so close.”
I couldn’t say anything. My breath was coming out in frantic wheezes which were starting to get close to audible moans. When his thrusting became more frenetic and a louder moan escaped he quickly placed a hand over my mouth to silence me, and I maneuvered them past my lips so I could suck on two of his fingers to try and keep me quiet, or at least make my moaning less likely to wake up the house.
Specifically his girlfriend.
No longer able to support myself, my breasts pushed down onto the arm of the sofa with my arms cushioning my head. And above me I felt the reassuring weight of my lover press against me.
I felt everything.
His groans and gasps of my name rang in my ear as he ground his cock deep and hard into me.
The tight, almost painful grip of his hand on my hair.
The flick of his finger against my clit.
“I’m gonna cum!” he gasped, and I reached back and slapped my hand to his ass as he started to pull out. Danny got the meaning and paused immediately – before slamming forward just as his cum erupted in hot spurts into my climaxing, clenching pussy.
Danny didn’t stop or slow down, his long deep thrusts into me continuing even as he came. His hips rolled deep into me, filling me. Completing me in a way I’d sought for months but hadn’t been able to find.
I’d found it. It just happened it was with someone I couldn’t be with.
His hands went to my hips, his touch suddenly gentle as if I might break. He didn’t pull away either – his body remained pressed to mine as I felt his cock soften inside of me. How he felt I didn’t know at that moment, but the way he kissed the top of my back and held me made me believe he didn’t feel bad.
Eventually he pulled away, and together we quickly pulled on our pajama bottoms without saying a word. Honestly I didn’t know what to say to him, my tongue slipping against my lips as I remembered his taste and wondered whether I’d always remember it, and whether I’d get to sample it again.
“So… that was a thing.” Danny eventually said, pulling on his shirt.
“Yeah, guess it was.” I replied, and I looked up to see him sigh and look pained as he ran a hand through his messy hair.
“Pol… I don’t know what to say. That was amazing – fuck, you’re amazing.” he started, but I quickly stood up and pressed a hand to his chest.
“Don’t. Please don’t say what I think you’re going to say. I know there’s nothing I can do or say so… just let me go to sleep tonight thinking there’s a future. Please.”
That pained expression was still there as he nodded at me. I should have thought awfully of him – he’d just fucked me on a sofa with his girlfriend sleeping in a room above us. It was a disgraceful act of cheating. Yet I couldn’t find it in me to feel anything other than the way I felt for him – he’d done something bad, but I just knew that he was more than the mistake he’d made.
At least in my eyes.
As he left the room to go back to the bed he shared with Katie, I mused on something my aunt had once told me – that everyone has three loves in their life. There’s their first love, their great love, and then the love you marry. Nick was my first love, I had no doubt about that. And as Danny’s eyes met mine one last time before he headed to bed I felt something spark within me, and knew that our union that evening had confirmed that I was starting to fall for him.
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