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The doctor’s office was in located in a grey, three story complex of medical offices, sandwiched between a minimart gas station and a large nail salon. I had gotten the referral from a girlfriend who had been a patient there for a couple of years, and really liked the doctor and also the helpfulness of the staff up front. And they also took my insurance, which was a must. But most importantly, with where my head was at these days, was what my girlfriend told me about the doctor. And the thought of literally opening myself up to a man..especially one that I didn’t already know, and trust..that just felt really daunting right now. And definitely something I would have put off for even longer than I did already. I found a parking spot in the back of the building, and pulled in and shut the car off.
I had gotten the number for the doctor a few weeks ago, but it was only three days ago that I made the decision to call for an appointment. It had been almost two years since my last gynaecological exam, and I felt a little nervous. When my regular doctor of over ten years, who I had really liked and trusted, finally retired, I never followed up with his younger replacement. Mostly out of laziness, but also because I felt great at the time, and I told myself that I’d ask around when I needed to have my next annual exam. And then I pretty much forgot about it, until I finally remembered..and then just put it off.
I checked my phone for a text I was expecting, and my makeup in the rearview mirror, then grabbed my bag and headed inside. The lobby was small, with an elevator in front and hallways off to each side. I found the directory on a wall and looked for the name. W…Walker. Dr Sheila Walker, GYN. Second floor, Suite 208. I took the elevator up and got out and followed the hallway to the last door on the right.
The waiting room had eight comfortable looking chairs in it and was painted light blue like the sky on a clear day, with a palm plant in one corner and tasteful prints on the walls. There were two women sitting across from one another, one was reading a magazine, and the other texting on her phone. I went to the reception window and signed my name on the clipboard.
A young woman in a blue scrub blouse turned from her computer screen.
“Hi…may I help you?”
“Yes, I’m here for my appointment. My name is Karen Bohler.
She looked down at an appointment calendar. “Yes..we have you in for three o’clock. You’ll need to fill out some paperwork that I’ll give you, and in the meantime you can give me your insurance card, and I’ll make a copy of it for our files.”
I gave her my card, and took the clipboard with the forms I needed to fill out back to my chair. The first form was general information about myself, and the second one was the standard and very tedious one that you have to fill out in every medical office you go to..checking off the boxes of the diseases and maladies you don’t have, and trying to remember which one of your older relatives had heart disease or high blood pressure. I reminded myself to be patient, that this would be the only time I’d have to wade though these if I came here in the future. Finally I got to the form with the more specific questions..about why was I here. Well..I guess I could just say it was for a routine gynecological exam. I was definitely overdue, and that would be an honest answer.
But that wasn’t the real reason, and there wasn’t much point in coming here and not being completely forthcoming with my new doctor. I was concerned, and wanted to get some answers, or at least insight into what had been going on with my body. I knew I had been in a funk..shit, in a rut and feeling depressed, for the better part of almost six months, since breaking up with Peter.
We had met and started dating almost two years earlier, and he had helped to unlock this whole new side of myself that I never really knew I had inside of me. And to have it come crashing down the way it did..basically overnight, really sent me into a tailspin. And I know that the emotional toll from going through that was probably a big part of how I was feeling about myself, and what was happening in my body. But maybe there was something else going on with me physically or hormonally.
At forty three, I figured I was too young to be going through menopause, but not completely sure. I’d read where some women experienced it earlier, while others didn’t notice changes til much later. And the issues I’d had on a couple occasions when I tried to use one of my sex toys, and just my overall lackluster libido, really bothered me.
As I scanned the boxes next to specific questions, I checked YES for vaginal dryness, and again for sensitivity during sex. Did using a dildo count as sex? For now I would just say I had sex, or that I used a toy. And in the space provided to give more information, I wrote a brief paragraph detailing my feelings of depression and what felt like an overall loss of libido. When I was done, I signed all the forms and returned them at the desk. The young woman took them and handed bursa escort me back my insurance card.
“If you have a seat, I’ll call you when the doctor’s ready to see you.”
I sat down and picked up a home decorating magazine and leafed through it, but my mind wandered from one thought to another.
It was a revelation for me when I met Peter..a man who saw me not as just a mother or wife, but as a beautiful and fun woman with needs and desires that had been long neglected. Before him, the only man I had ever been with was my husband. That sounds almost crazy now when I think about it, or impossibly old fashioned, but we started dating in high school and got married not long after we graduated. And what had started out as a fairly robust but conventional sex life, although now that I looked back on it I realized just how vanilla it mostly was, gradually became more sporadic and then towards the end, almost non-existent. My husband was always a hard worker, but when he started his own business it seemed like he lost whatever interest or sexual desire that he had in me. He was a good provider and father, but there was no passion left between us..just a shared sense of duty and caring for our children. And I poured myself into my kids, working around their schedules as a real estate agent.
I thought of my son John, now nineteen and in his second year of college. He looked so much like his father, and had his sharp intelligence too. But while he shared his father’s relentless drive to put in the work that was necessary to succeed, he also had my dad’s easy laugh and sense of humor, and twinkling blue eyes. And I chuckled inwardly thinking of my daughter Ashlyn..who had so much of ME about her, yet didn’t seem burdened like I was with self doubts and expressing herself. She was like seventeen going on thirty..and like some mothers and daughters that are so much alike, we alternated between butting heads, to being closer to each other than anyone else.
“Miss Bohler? The doctor will see you now. You can follow me.”
My head snapped up, and saw the receptionist standing by a hallway next to the check in window. I grabbed my bag and followed her along the hallway and through an open door to an empty exam room.
“Dr Walker’s assistant will be in shortly to so some preliminaries and go over your history. You can remove your clothes and put on the gown that’s on the table.”
She left and closed the door, and I put my bag on a chair and looked around. It was a pretty standard exam room with a couple of chairs, and a long counter along one wall with a sink, and cabinets above and below. And in the center of the room against the back wall, an exam table with paper down the middle, with big padded leg supports which were spread out very wide.
I started to undress..first taking off my running shoes and socks, and then pulling my tee shirt over my head and laying it on the arm of a chair, followed by my sweat pants. I had on a jog bra and an older pair of panties..definitely ‘pre’ Peter..not one of the cute little thongs I wore when we dated. And pretty much a reflection of how I felt about myself these days. My body hadn’t really changed since then, in fact, I hit the gym even more these days as an outlet for my frustrations and loneliness.
Before leaving for my appointment I had taken a shower, and when I was drying off I felt a tiny butterfly in my stomach, knowing that soon I would be opening up and displaying myself to strangers. I had looked at myself in the mirrored wall next my vanity, and even with my typically self critical eye, I had to admit that I looked pretty good for my age. As a young woman, I had always had strong, ‘athletic’ legs..in fact, I was sometimes self conscious that they looked too big or muscular. But I always got compliments about them, and I realized that how I felt about myself wasn’t what other people saw when they looked at me.
Now after years of regular cardio and spin classes and weight training, my body was pretty tight and toned. When I turned to look at my butt, I still couldn’t help thinking it was too big or meaty, but my daughter, who would eagerly engage in body bantering with me, thought I was crazy. She would tell me that my ass was what guys her age would call ‘juicy’, and she even bought me a pair of Juicy boyshorts at the mall not long ago as a joke. And my breasts looked pretty good after having a couple of kids. It helped, I thought, that I had always tried to wear supportive bras..even when I was young, and I really believed it kept them from sagging too much as I aged. I remembered the times with Peter when he talked me into going out at night without a bra on..and how thrilling and erotic that felt to me, knowing that men could see my chest and hard nipples outlined through my dress or top.
I undid my bra and tossed it on my clothes, then slid my panties down and off and unfolded the blue paper gown and slipped it on. The room was cool, and I felt my nipples harden as I pulled the sides of the gown together and smoothed bursa escort bayan it down to my mid thighs. As I hopped up onto the end of the paper covered table the door opened, and a beautiful young womam came in, with a manilla folder under one arm. She walked to me and smiled, and extended her hand.
“Hello..Karen? I’m Dawn, Dr Walker’s assistant. I’ll be doing the prep for your exam, and going over some things with you.”
I reached to clasp her hand, and it was warm and her grip firm.
“Dawn..Hi. It’s nice to meet you.”
She was about my height and looked lean under her blue work pants and top. Her skin was a rich, deep caramel color, and she wore her brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. She had strong cheekbones that were flecked with light freckles, and a strong nose that broadened to full pink lips. I saw that she wore a small metal stud through one eyebrow, and a couple more through the cartilage in one ear. My folder was opened and she was looking at the forms I had filled out. Snaking out of her sleeve on one arm were the delicately scrolled ends of dark tattoo.
“So, Karen..I want to welcome you to our office. We’ve know Jessica, who referred you to us, for a few years now, and she only has nice things to say about you. Are you sure she’s really a friend?”
She grinned at me, and I actually laughed and shook my head. I think I was more nervous than I realized about coming here today, and appreciated her breaking that tension, even if only for the moment.
“Yeah..she’s definitely a friend, or at least I thought so! And she knew I was kind of..hesitant I guess, with finding a new doctor after being with my old one for so long.”
Dawn nodded as I spoke, with one arm bent and her hand on her hip. I saw that while she was slim, her shirt stretched tightly over her chest. And I became aware of her scent..it was subtle, but unusual enough to notice. I think a hint of vanilla for sure, but something else..something stronger. It reminded me of a scent that I liked when I went into one of the candle or soap stores at the mall with Ashlyn, and we’d sample and smell all these different aromas. I couldn’t think of the name, but it was musky and exotic.
“I know how you feel..it can be hard to start up again with a new person, and worry about if you’re gonna be comfortable with them. Just know that Dr. Walker is a great doctor and very easy to talk to. And we’re all girls in this office, so you can relax and let your hair down.”
She winked at me, and slid her leg out towards the corner of a cabinet and I heard a scrape along the floor, and a flat digital scale appeared.
“You know, it’s funny you say that. Years ago I wouldn’t have really thought too much about that..having a female doctor, or that being something that I’d prefer over a male doctor. But lately, after coming out of what was kind of a tough year for me and not having an exam for a long time, it made a differene when Jessica told me about your office. I’ll admit that I felt a little nervous getting ready to come here today, but it would have been more so if I knew a man would be examining me.”
Dawn was looking at me as I spoke, and put her hand on my arm and lightly kneaded my forearm with her thumb. It wasn’t something I expected, and in another situation and with someone else, I might have been put off by it. But I just felt so..comfortable with her, and the physical touch seemed so genuine..and it felt good too. It had been so long since anyone had touched me like that.
“You know, I admire your honesty Karen. And I know from what I read in your chart, that you’ve been going through some things. I’m a pretty positive person, so I’m just gonna say that today will be a big first step for you, in getting information, and hopefully answering some questions you might have. So, let’s take care of some basic things now before Dr Walker comes in. Why don’t you step down and we’ll weigh you.”
I slid off the table and stepped onto the cool metal and glass surface of the scale.
“Ok honey, just tap under the readout screen once, and then stand still for a few seconds. Let’s see..good. That’s..131.”
When she said the number I reflexively tightened my abs and squeezed my butt.
“It always sounds like more than I think it will, when I hear the number out loud.” She pushed the scale back to the wall and nodded.
“I know..right? I think that’s probably hardwired into us as young girls..like we’re never supposed to be happy or satisfied with what size we are, or how much we weigh. Meanwhile, even with that gown on I can tell you have a great body.”
Her remark surprised me, but I did work hard on myself and wondered if it really showed, even with what I had on. And getting an unsolicited compliment was always nice.
“Geez..thank you! And that’s very sweet to say, even if it’s not true. I guess I do work hard at it..you have to at my age. I dont always feel it though. But we can be our own worst critic, right? I know I am.”
Dawn bursa sınırsız escort had slipped a stethoscope around her neck and was opening up a dark blue blood pressure cuff. She wrapped it around my arm and then fastened the velcro closure. She wasn’t a big woman, but I could feel the strength in her hands and fingers as she worked at my arm.
“Listen..sometimes I do the same thing. I’ll be looking in the mirror after getting out of the shower and see my butt, and be like..really?”
We both laughed when she said that.
“But when you’re feeling shitty about things, it just bleeds into everything, right? Your relationships, how you feel about your body..your job..whatever. I read on your chart that you’ve been feeling depressed for awhile. I’ve been there myself too.”
She motioned for me to sit back up on the table. I wiggled my butt up onto the paper on the front of the table, with my legs slightly apart at the knees and feet dangling down. When she stepped in with the stethoscope her thighs gently nudged my knees open a little farther apart..not what seemed to me a deliberate movement, but more an unconscious one. The paper gown had risen up my thighs a bit when I had squirmed up into place on the table, and now my widening thighs parted the bottom of the gown even further. Where it was now, it felt like when she stepped back she would have a clear look at my naked crotch. The thought flashed through my head that no one had seen my pussy since Peter. It was shaved clean then, and seemingly wet most the time. Now light brown kinky curls had grown back in and it felt like it did for many years when I was married, just something that I mostly urinated from.
Dawn had the ends of the stethescope in her ears, and she slipped the small disc at the end under the cuff at the crook of my elbow, and started pumping.
“Karen, I like your tattoo..its sexy.”
She was looking down at the small daisy chain that circled my right ankle, one of two tattoos that I got during my time with Peter. I extended my leg straight out and flexed my foot.
“Thank you..it was the first one I ever got. It stung pretty good going on..and I think I was a little buzzed too, if I remember correctly.”
The cuff was painfully tight when she stopped pumping, and I watched her face as she concentrated to hear whatever she was listening for. Her hazel green eyes were gorgeous, like exotic oval marbles. They reminded me of a cat’s eyes. And the overall effect of them, along with her pink lips, and highlighted by her piercings contrasting with her dark skin, was practically hypnotic.
“Yes..depending on where you get inked, it can hurt for sure. And especially if you’re not used to it. I got to like it actually..especially after my first few.”
She slipped the cuff off my arm and stepped out of my thighs to put the sleeve on the counter and write something on my chart. I looked down at my parted thighs and the bottom of the gown, which was now pushed up higher and unsnapped at the end. I was completely exposed to her, and all I needed to do was move my legs together and smooth down the gown on my lap, but when she turned to step back towards me I didn’t move a muscle. I’m not sure why I left my legs apart, it wasn’t like I thought it through and made a conscious decision to show myself. There was just something about her..that intoxicating aroma, her glowing smile smile and the way she looked at me and touched me..that made me feel strangely close to her, and kept my legs stuck in the postion they we in. I was aware of my nipples brushing against the coarse fabric of the gown, and my crotch felt heavy and kind of tight..like there was a pressure wanting to push out.
“Karen..where is your other tattoo?”
What did she say? My tongue was dry and thick..I pinched the back of it between my molars to get some saliva.
“I asked where your other tattoo was.”
“Oh, uhh..it’s on my lower back. I know, it’s like a cliche, right? Soccer mom turns forty and gets a tattoo on her lower back. My daughter calls it my tramp stamp.”
Dawn glanced briefly at my open crotch, then up to find my eyes, and stepped back between my thighs.
“That sounds like something a teenager would say, especially a teenage girl to her mom. I was guilty of that a few times myself. It’s that age where you just can’t help yourself from saying something snarky and mean, and especially to your mom.”
I watched her thin but strong fingers adjust the ends of the stethoscope, then insert them in her ears. Her luminous hazel eyes looked up to me and she smiled.
“Well, for whatever it’s worth, I happen to think tramp stamps are sexy as hell. Especially on gorgeous soccer moms.”
She winked at me, and reached to my gown and unbuttoned the top two buttons, then slipped her hand inside and pressed the cold metal disc high on my chest, above my right breast. Then after a few seconds, a few inches down and to the center..and right between my breasts. And held it there and listened. Her earthy fragrance enveloped me, and with her close to me like she was, when she shifted and lightly pressed her hip against the inside of my right thigh, I felt my leg move another inch out to the side. Now my legs were spread open wide enough to be obvious to both of us. As was my leaving them there. I heard my pulse in my ears and swallowed hard.
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