Breathe Ch. 03

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Breathe 3

I don’t remember leaving the hospital, getting home, or going to bed. The next morning when I woke up, I reached for Susan and couldn’t find her… then the memories came flooding back. I began to cry. A few minutes later, Leigh came in.

“David? I heard you were awake. David… I’m so sorry… so sorry. This is the last thing I ever thought would happen.” She sat on the bed and held me as I cried. She told me Mom and Dad were on the way. She had called Susan’s parents as well. I felt lost, totally unmoored from reality. She was talking, but I only got bits and pieces.

I moved out to the couch, Leigh turned on the TV and I watched whatever came on. I only got up when I had to go to the bathroom. It was after noon when Leigh stood in front of the TV, blocking it and getting my attention.

“David! You have things to do! You’re an adult, act like one! You have to call the funeral home, you know what she wanted. You have a goddamned baby in the hospital that you need to go see! You have to call work, you have to call her work! Get moving!”

I went through the motions, but only sort of did things. I knew that Susan wanted cremation, so I had that arranged. I cleaned up enough to go to the hospital and held my baby. I couldn’t feel anything yet though. I called my work and hers. They all expressed sympathy, but I was numb.

I went home and laid down, but only slept a little. Bad dreams would wake me up, then when I did wake up I realized that they were real. The next morning my sister found me sitting on the couch, TV on, staring at nothing. She gave me a dirty look, and I went back to the TV.

Suddenly, I was on my side on the couch and my face hurt like hell. I looked up at her and she had her arm cocked back to slap me again. “Are you going to join the living today? You gotta pick up your baby at the hospital. You gotta talk to her parents. Shit, David, you have to name your child! You aren’t dead, David. She is, and I’m sorry, but you have things that you have to do!” She was crying as she said this. I gotta say, the pain did help me focus. I knew what she was saying was true.


“What? She’s dead!”

“The baby. She’s Susan. Susan Leigh, actually.”

“David… are you sure?”


I got up and managed to put myself together. A shower and clean clothes helped a lot. We picked her parents up at their hotel, and after a few tears went to the hospital to pick up my child. Our child. Susan.

I discussed Susan’s wishes with her parents, and we agreed on several things. They wanted a share of her ashes, and I agreed. We would have a very simple ceremony the next day for just family and close friends. My parents would be here by then. We were not particularly religious, so it would be without any references. That night, we all went out to eat after my parents came in. Susan (the baby) slept through it, but the rest of us just talked, cried, and laughed a little. It was cathartic for me.

When we all got home, I picked Susan up from her car seat. I stared in her face, finding there was a lot of familiarity there. Susan wasn’t completely gone from my life, part of her was right here with me. I hugged that little baby like my life depended on it, because it a way it did. My sister offered to let her sleep in her room, but I wanted her near me. It was just the beginning of healing, but it was a beginning.

Once it was all over, we found that with her life insurance and everything else we had a house that was paid for. Little Susan was getting Social Security, which went into an account for her education. My life was emptier, but it continued.

Time went by. The first time my sister and I tried to make love, it was more crying than anything else. We got through oral, but that was all I could manage. I drove myself into work, and while it earned me a promotion it really meant nothing to me. I held my daughter every night and told her I loved her. She was my only bright spot. Time passed.

Shortly after her third birthday, she was talking up a storm. My sister had become “Mama Leigh” and I was just Daddy. On a Saturday morning, my sister was making pancakes and Suzie-Q (as we started calling her, I just couldn’t call her Susan) was chattering at her. She called her Mama, and my sister quietly told her she was Mama Leigh. Every day we took time to show her pictures of her mother and tell stories, so she knew. Suzie-Q looked up at her and said, “Mama said it was ok to call you Mama too!”

“You talk to your Mama?”

“She talk when I’m seepin'”

“You have dreams, oh, ok. It’s fine, baby.”

“She mad at Daddy. He won’t open th’ door.”

When I heard that, I stopped, frozen. I had been having a repetitive dream, starting several weeks after Susan had passed. I was in a room, shabby and old, and there was a banging on the door. I was scared to answer, and the banging just got louder and louder until I woke up. It brought chills to me. I looked at my sister and she was literally Ataköy Escort white. She had a white-knuckled grip on the counter. Her mouth was open and nothing was coming out. We stared at each other for a moment, then began to move again. We had breakfast and didn’t talk again until after lunch.

“David… I… I need to talk to you.”

“Wait. Let me guess. You’ve been having dreams, one where you’re in a room and someone keeps knocking… it just gets louder and louder until it wakes you up.”

“Oh my god… you too?!”


“What now?”

“I don’t know if a conscious decision will have an effect, but I’m going to try to open the damn door. I never know when it will happen, but… next time….”

Our little Suzie-Q didn’t say anything else strange for a few days, but one night I was out, exhausted after a particularly hard day at work. I had ‘the dream’… somehow, my conscious thoughts did make it through, and when the door started banging I went to open it. I was as scared as I have ever been, but I opened the door.

Susan flew into the room and hugged me. I felt her, I smelled her. I was crying, she was too. After a minute, she looked at me.

“I’ve missed you so much!”

“Susan… how… why…”

“Shhhh… there never is much time. I had to, David. I had to. It was her or me, and I had to! I hope you understand. Four things, David. Remember these four things!”


` “Check the mole on your back, now. Get a colonoscopy when you’re 47, don’t wait for fifty. Don’t date Stephanie, and make your sister open the door! Promise me! Repeat it!”

“Mole on my back, colonoscopy at 47, no Stephanie, and my sister. I love you, Susan.”

“I love you too… I have to go. Later, sometime later!”

And with that I woke up, sitting up in bed gasping. I wrote down what she told me so I couldn’t forget. I stayed up until the alarm rang and it was time to go to work. My sister was getting Suzie-Q ready for daycare when I grabbed her shoulders. I gave her a kiss and looked in her eyes. “Open the door, Leigh. Open the damned door.” Her eyes went wide and she stared at me. I just nodded and took my daughter to drop her off.

I made an appointment with my dermatologist. I told her that I had a spot on my back, and she wondered how I found it. She told me it was a ‘pre-cancerous growth” and froze the cells to kill them so they would slough off. She did say that if I had waited a year, it would have probably been a much bigger issue.

A few nights after this, Susan’s parents came to town to “borrow” Suzie-Q for a few days. Leigh and I had a Friday night alone, but all we did was have a few drinks. There was some unspoken questions from her, but I had to see if I was just dreaming or not. I went to bed about 11 pm, and so did she.

About 1 am, I woke up when my door opened. My sister was standing there in a t-shirt… looking at me. Smirking at me. Now, this was a look I had seen before, but at this point it had been years. She had the same look on her face Susan did when she was horny! She walked slowly over to the bed, pulled the sheet back, and jumped on top of me.

It was the strangest sensation. If I closed my eyes, I could feel and smell Susan. Everything we did was just like it was Susan. She sucked my cock just like Susan. My sister liked things rough… but this time it was much more tender, more… Susan-like. She gave me a blow job just exactly like the first one Susan gave me… she swallowed me all the way down and held it as I came in her throat. It was… amazing!

“You should have a clear head now. We don’t have all night, David.”

That reminded me yet again of our first time. I ate her, and… I can’t explain it, but she tasted like Susan. I was gently fucking my sister when she came again, and finally I came. It was the strangest thing that has ever happened to me. When it was over, she gave me one of Susan’s steel-melting kisses, dropped a tear on my face, and laid back. Thirty seconds later, she sat up with a gasp, breathing hard. She looked at me, clearly scared. “She asked if it was ok… I said yes.”

I grabbed her and pulled her tight. I murmured “Thank you” over and over again. I somehow knew it was never going to happen again. A few minutes later, after we separated, she stood up and grabbed her crotch. “David… did you… come in me?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s… it’s been so long, I went off the pill, David. It makes me fat, so I went off the pill. Oh, shit. Oh, shit shit shit!”

“We’ll worry about it tomorrow. Just… stay with me, Leigh. Stay.” I hadn’t slept (literally) with her in my bed since Susan passed. She looked at me, somewhat surprised, and laid back down. We snuggled together and rather swiftly we both fell asleep. I never had the dream with the door again, sadly.

The next morning when Suzie-Q came back, after Susan’s parents had left, Suzie-Q went up to Leigh. She poked her belly Ataşehir Escort and laughed. Leigh looked at her, curious. She poked her again and said, “Imma gonna get a bruvver! Mama said so. She said it’s good.” With that, she turned around and started to play with her dolls. Leigh stood frozen in place. One of Susan’s phrases was “It’s good” when everything was fine. Leigh looked at me, and I shrugged. That night, after Suzie was in bed, we finally talked about it.

“David… remember, no three-headed babies…”

“I know… I know. But is it ‘good’?”

“I don’t know, David. I can’t handle not knowing, and I have to wait for a few weeks before anyone can even tell… Can I tell you something?”


“I… I kinda always wanted a baby. I know I don’t have much time left for that either, and I don’t know any other guys I’d want to be the father. If this is real, I’m… kinda happy.”

“Last week, I would’ve said no… but now… Now, I’m happy. I can’t explain it… I guess I feel like I said goodbye, or something like that. I… think she told us that it’s ok for us to… be us, be we, be a couple. No Stephanie’s though.”

“Who the fuck is Stephanie?”

I explained the list to her. She looked at me like I was nuts, but when I told her about the visit to the dermatologist, she got a strange look on her face. “She… she told me James was gonna be fine… James is… was… our dad, so I was confused. I think I know who James is now.” She rubbed her belly. Our dad had passed over a year ago, so I think I got her confusion. “She… she said our baby will be ok, David…” She began to tear up, but she was smiling. “I think if I’m pregnant, I’m keeping it. I’ll have tests… but I’m keeping it.”

My sister did turn out to be pregnant. It was a good thing, because my libido returned with a vengeance. After a few weeks, she moved into my bedroom. Susie-Q didn’t ask any questions, but we told her we had to make the room over for her new brother. She was happy, but very impatient as all toddlers are.

When Leigh was about five months, she had some genetic testing done. It came back good. Her doctor was Leigh’s doctor, and she remembered us. After the third visit, she pulled us both aside. She randomly started talking about “close relatives” having children, and how the risk was fairly small until the second generation. She knew, and she was trying to calm us down. It helped, but we already knew.

That night, by sister laid beside me in the bed. I was snuggling behind her, naked and hard. She started laughing. “Does that thing ever get tired?”

“Not of you.”

“I… I think I love you, David.”

“I always loved you, Leigh.”

“No… not like that. I mean… I mean like Susan did. I love you, David.”

“I love you too, Leigh. And yes, I love you like Susan. I… I don’t know how to ask you this… but… I can’t marry you. Duh. But… will you spend the rest of your life with me?”

“Try to stop me, David. Just try.”


She kissed me, and I kissed her back. I moved my hand to her breast, lightly pinching her nipple. She moaned and rolled over, reaching for my cock. “I have to get on top…”

She slowly climbed on board, her belly swollen but still beautiful. She had gone on a fitness kick and was very toned for her age. She slowly dropped down, taking me in. “David… Remember the first time? We swore we’d never do this again. I guess we’ve pretty much ruined that. I… I never wanted to tell you, but I think I kinda started falling for you then. When you and Susan invited me in… I was past surprised. It was amazing. Even now, without her, it’s amazing. I… I really do love you, David.”

“I love you, Leigh… but I’m really horny right now!” She laughed and began to rise and fall. As she had aged, her preferences for hard and fast had waned, slow and gentle was good for her, especially since she had gotten pregnant. She rose and fell, rose and fell, finally coming on me. I quickly moved her forward and began to lick her. She still had a wonderful taste, and I made her come a second time licking her clit and using my finger. She fell to the side and breathed for a second, then reached over and grabbed me. She knelt down and began to lick. She always had enjoyed the taste of her (or Susan) on my cock, and today was no exception. She licked and sucked, gently rolling my balls with her hand. She took her other hand and jacked what she wasn’t sucking in until I lifted my hips and came in her mouth. She swallowed, drinking it like wine.

“David… I think we’re good…” she said with a smile.

Several months later, James William came into the world. He was perfect, ten fingers and ten toes. He was a cesarean, and they had to give my sister a hysterectomy immediately after due to complications. We had known by then that would happen. When it was over, my sister looked at me. “Guess I don’t need to get on the pill now…”

“I’m Avcılar Escort still gonna try.”

“You’d better. Just… just gotta wait a while. Doc said eight to ten weeks, just to make sure I heal enough.”

Life moved along. I met a Stephanie at the office, and she was beautiful, built a lot like Susan. I probably would have tried something if I wasn’t attached to Leigh. She finally asked me out after dropping hundreds of hints. I said no, told her I was in a committed relationship. She laughed it off. Six months later, I went to work and found people crying. I rarely listened to the news in the morning, so I hadn’t heard. Stephanie had been dating another guy in the office and had shot and killed him and then herself. Apparently she was schizophrenic and quit taking her medications. Two-for-two, Susan.

Leigh and I raised the children. We lived as husband and wife, wearing rings. Work allowed any immediate relative living with me on my insurance, so she had been there since the beginning. My mother came after James was born and asked us bluntly whose child it was. I told her it was ours. She hugged us both, told us that she was happy we didn’t lie to her, and never spoke of it again. She passed a few years later, and Susan’s parents went around the same time.

At 47, I went to my doctor complaining of “bathroom issues”. He scheduled a colonoscopy, and found several polyps, all of which were removed. He said that I seemed to have a predisposition for problems, making sure I’d be back at 50 for another check. Three for three…

Suzie-Q became Susan, because just like her mother she hated the nickname. I still used it sometimes though. She grew up into a beautiful young lady, the spitting image of her mother, and went to college. James graduated high school. Susan decided to continue with her master’s, and James ended up at the same school. They shared an apartment. Leigh and I watched and saw no reason to be concerned.

Susan finished her degree and took a job in town, staying with James. He graduated and found a job as well, but they stayed in the same apartment. Red flags everywhere for Leigh and I, so we took a trip to surprise them one day.

It was a Saturday morning when we arrived. I knocked on the door and heard movement. “Just a minute!” Susan called, then opened the door. James was stumbling out of the bedroom in his shorts, calling out “Who is it, babe?”

“Good morning, my children!” I said, laughing. The look on their face was priceless. Leigh asked to go to the bathroom and was shown the way. The kids (25 and 29!) looked at me.

“What are you guys doing here?” Susan asked. She was looking around, like she’d lost something.

I pulled her underwear out from under me on the couch. “These yours?” She took them, her face glowing bright red. “We just wanted to see our kids, is that a crime?” Leigh had come out of the hallway and nodded. That was the signal that only one bedroom was slept in. “So, how’s things going with you two?”

“W-what do you mean?” James spoke up.

“James, Susan… only one bed is slept in and you both look pretty freshly fucked. Your parents aren’t stupid.” Leigh spoke quietly.

James stood up. “Dad, Mom… it… it started as an accident. But now… I love her. She loves me. Don’t tell me you’re going to be hypocrites.”

“Never said that, son. I’m more disturbed that you felt the need to hide it from us. So, how long have you two been an item?” I looked him in the eyes.

Before he could answer, Susan took my hand. “Dad… I think I knew when he was 14. I was pretty sure when he was 18. When he was 22, we had a party and my boyfriend at the time tried to slap me. James… stopped him. That night, I think he knew… He.. he took my virginity. We didn’t tell anyone because we wanted to make sure. We… we were going to come this summer and talk about it. Dad, you guys raised a great son. He… he’s perfect, to me. We will have genetic testing before we have children, I mean we know we are only half-siblings, but it still would be second-generation. We… we know we can’t be legally married, but we wanted to do something with you guys and a couple of friends who know. We were going to tell you this summer, really!”

“Susan… you don’t need have to have our permission. We can’t tell you not to… but we can tell you there will be issues, mostly from other people. I’m going to suggest you move, so you can start with a fresh slate. I want you two to be happy. Just… be open. Either of you may yet meet someone else. We told you our story once, back when you were 18, James. I was close to your age when I met Susan. When I kissed her the first time, it was… like electricity. It may yet happen to you.”

“Dad… It already did. The first time I kissed, really kissed Susan… it was electric, different, like… a shock. It was special. I wanted to marry her that day, because I knew. Sounds stupid, I know, but I knew.”

“Son, it doesn’t sound stupid to me at all. I get it because it happened to me. I guess meeting someone else just won’t happen for you, so… how about later this summer you guys come home. Bring your friends, the ones you trust, and we can have a ceremony. I know someone willing to officiate, since it won’t be anything legal. Pick a date, let us know. How about you guys get ready and we can go out to lunch?”

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