Forever and Always

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18Xgirls

This is my attempt at a short work of erotic male-to-male fiction.

It’s somewhat inspired by a very close friendship I share with a friend of mine and the things I wish I could share with him.

The characters within this story are all my creation and this work is purely fictional.

I wrote when I was 18. I was young, excited and impressionable.

I would appreciate any and all feedback.

Enjoy

XX MalevolentBard

*****

“Tonight is the night” I whispered solemnly. The words had been whispered before, the intention had been stained onto the fabric of my actions once before and I’d cowered and fled, muttering futile Hail Marys while I scrubbed my eyes, ears, mouth and body raw hoping to rid myself of the scarlet letter I’d carved onto my skin.

I had no reason to believe tonight would be any different, none whatsoever really. Here stands a twenty-year-old virgin with all the hang-ups of a sexually handicapped nun; unsightly platinum blond hair that never bounced, pale brown eyes that should have been gold, but weren’t, skin so translucent I swear I glowed in the dark…and knees. I was all knees and arms and… body dysmorphia is a real and harrowing thing, ladies and gentlemen.

“Tonight is really the night” I’d called all the gods to task. I’d summoned them all for an informal powwow and begged them to conspire towards my happiness. So, there I was, closeted and dolled up and mildly terrified of sex, but damnit it was more than about sex.

I once fought against the tide and my insistent fears by fooling around with someone from some shady website; it wasn’t an experience I’d like to relive. To be honest, part of me knew that I wouldn’t be getting Prince Charming, but can’t a brother get a man who advertises honestly though? I was expecting a strapping young man who was hung for Africa, but what I got was a near obese middle-aged man with a dick small enough to be a pacifier, doused in the worst smelling cheap fragrance known to man. I’ll never forget how he’d walked in, smiled that greasy old-man smile and urged we get a move on because he had somewhere to be. I was doe-eyed and flustered, not because I was anywhere near aroused, just unbelievably embarrassed and eager to get it over with.

I was beyond grateful we hadn’t had time to go all the way, but I did have to blow him for his troubles. His meaty paw stroked the outside of my sweats, moving heavily over my eighteen-year-old cock. After minutes of doing so he must have figured that I wasn’t going to get hard anytime soon, so sensing his growing frustration – that not being the only thing of his that grew in my presence – I decided that now was as good a time as any to get it over with.

I got on my knees and did what mamma never showed her baby to do. I wasn’t no punk quitter. I had to almost tear him out of his tight fitted slacks; the clank from his belt buckle echoed while the scratch from the zip hissed. I watched as layer after layer of clothing disappeared and what i was left with was maybe two and a half inches of meat, limp meat. His olive cock head flared out while the rest of the small shaft rippled with skin and sat cosily against a wall of curly dark pubic hair. Closing my eyes shut i pulled in a deep breath, almost choking on the fumes from this man’s suffocating fragrance, and then i went for it. I opened my untrained mouth and slinked the wilted appendage in my warm mouth and did what I’d read about. I moved my tongue over the spongy head and head him moan while i bobbed slightly.

I must have been doing something right because seconds into my ministrations i felt the small penis grow in my mouth and expand. For a second I felt a power course through me with the knowledge that I did that. I turned what little flesh he had into something slightly more noticeable. I made him hard. I should have enjoyed it more, i should have been hard, but I wasn’t. I just went through the motions; not looking into this man’s eyes and not moaning for his benefit. With his cock now fully erect i could still fill its entirety in my mouth. No throat needed there. My taste-buds tingled with a new taste; an off, bitter and salty taste i almost recognised. It was his precum; the man was sure enjoying himself while he began thrusting into my young mouth. Just as quickly as it had begun, it ended. A few thrusts later he began shooting into my mouth. Without so much as a heads-up, I gagged at the bitter, unwelcomed taste. I couldn’t swallow so i waited for him to finish while his smooth cum pooled in my mouth and the man rode out the waves of his orgasm.

A heave and a sigh later he zipped up and looked at me with those dirty green eyes.

“Not used to the taste, huh?” he asked in an equally greasy voice. I smiled and nodded while he left to go wash his hands in the bathroom. I rushed over to the sink and spat out what was still in my mouth and gargled to make sure what was left was gone. We exchanged an awkward goodbye and that was that.

If I could I would erase poker oyna that bit of my past, because hot shame filled me every time I thought about it. Since then I’d never so much as licked or even touched anther man’s penis. Now that I was in my second year at College I figured it was about time I broke through the awkward fear around sex and finally lose my virginity. I looked over my 5 foot 8 slim frame through the dusty mirror that once belonged to my crabby old grandfather who spoke more of the “evil homosexuals” as he got older, and sighed pensively. I wasn’t anything fascinating but I wasn’t hideous either.

I could hear him now, “You keep wearing clothes like that, and you’ll come home married to a man. A damn poof”, I’d grunt something unintelligible and he’d grunt something just as unintelligible before trying to hide a knowing smile while he shuffled his way back to his room. He passed away not a month ago. I missed him, that weird old coot.

The beeping of my phone pulled me out of my musings and back into reality. I slid over to my phone and read the message recently received from my best friend, Blake.

Hey Danny, i’m outside waiting for you. Let’s bounce

Now there was a guy who was comfortable with not only his body, but with sex. He was imperfectly perfect in every way possible. His olive complexion wasn’t unique, nor were his chocolate brown eyes or his full pink lips or the full, trimmed beard. But on him, it was a work of art.

So yeah, if you thought I had an original bone in my body, you are sorely mistaken. I’m the gay nerd who is hopelessly, disastrously and unstintingly in love with his best friend. His straight best friend. Tonight, however, I was going to do something far out of character for me. I was going to ruin our friendship and I was going to seduce the hell out of Blake until he is either weak at the knees ready to plough into me or furious beyond consoling.

I was going to throw a grenade in the air above our friendship, scream “I LOVE YOU, COME FUCK ME” at him and wait for the bomb to rip what solid comradery we’d shared over the now two-year friendship. I was ready to mess things up.

“Tonight is the night” I smiled nervously. Living in the same dorm as him was torture. He’d even recently suggested we study together, which meant he studies while I try to not stare at his perfectness while I retain absolutely nothing and bone up something fierce. It was horrible and great at the same time. I could smell him, hear him breathing almost and sometimes he’d look up and we’d lock eyes for only a second before he smiled and returned to his studying.

I created fantasies and worlds around that boy’s smile. It was life affirming. It was god designed and it was all him. I had to be close to him. I had to inhale what little of him I could get my fill of Blake musk, use it as self-love fodder and hate myself after because of it.

I’ve never told anyone that i was gay, out of fear maybe but when i’m around Blake i feel like i could say anything and he’d accept me for who i am. Sure he often made fun of gay guys and how feminine they were, and sure he’d called me out a few times and insinuated I might be gay and instead of agreeing I’d laughed it off as one of his many jokes, but I know he’d be there for me should I say anything. That’s why I was in love with him.

Maybe it’s that he’s tall enough to lean against without feeling too small; he was just the right size with his 5 foot 10 self. Or was it his dark brown eyes that i so often saw staring back at me when i looked in the mirror? I promise, sometimes I swear I saw him staring back at me through the mirror.

Whatever it was i couldn’t have said anything to him last year because he was in a relationship with this really cool girl and i wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination a home-wrecker. It was only when they broke up and she told me to “look after him” that i entertained the possibility of being with him.

Tonight, was going to be the night i said something though, even if he told me off and it ended our friendship; I couldn’t stand it anymore.

With my phone and wallet in hand i locked my room and braved the cold night in search of Blake. My phone buzzed once again before I pulled it out to read another message from Blake.

Blake: Look up

It was involuntary, I swear. I couldn’t help but smile and look up and there he was; a vision in his dark blue slim fit jeans and a bright white hoodie. His smile held my audience and i was drawn to it, hypnotised by it while it pulled me deeper and deeper into his orbit.

“You ready, man?” he finally said, breaking the spell. “ready to tell you I love you and beg for you to take my virginity? Sure” I thought nervously.

“Sure, where are we eating exactly?” this was something we did often, well something he initiated often. He’d call me to go have dinner somewhere and after we’d part ways.

“I was thinking pizza and then a movie, in my room though, canlı poker oyna cool with you?” my heart began doing things that resembled a heart attack but were more akin to the kind of palpitations you got when you heard you might be getting a puppy for Christmas. Also, that puppy was kind of a great Dane. I was nervous, excited, afraid, but so ready. “Keep it cool, just keep it cool” I took a deep stealing breath and shrugged.

“Sounds good, dude” with that we walked and talked about anything and everything under the sun…erm…moon. We finally got to where we’d get out pizza and he chose his first.

“I’ll have the chicken and mushroom please” he said confidently and then turned to me. Menus and I never got along. It wasn’t that I was indecisive, it was just that there were too many numbers and letters and pictures and the pressure to order something good and I would start sweating and get a little woozy and get confused before I finally closed my eyes and ordered whatever came to mind first.

“Have you made up your mind?” Blake asked.

“I’m thinking okay, just wait a second”

“You’re being a girl, just order something” he smiled down at me and i huffed disapprovingly while the young lady behind the counter looked at both of us, trying to hold back a smile, unsuccessfully might i add.

“You know, all this pressure isn’t helping me, Blake”

“You don’t know what kind of pressure i can give you, buddy” he said and i shook my head and skimmed through my options.

“Hurry up Danny” he taunted.

“Stope speaking and let me think” I mumbled.

“Start thinking and maybe I’ll stop speaking”

“It’s the letters, I’m not dyslexic but I feel like I get touched by it whenever I see a menu”

“The menus aren’t the problem here. Hurry up” he hissed playfully.

“You’re being a bully, stop it” i said and Blake nudged me aside all the while looking me deep in the eyes while he spoke.

“He’ll have something meaty because he’s a fan of meat. Make it extra saucy too, right Danny?” with his eyes still on me and a wide smile, I gulped down the rising furnace that was my arousal and forced myself to roll my eyes when all i wanted was to grab him and suck on his meat right there and then, but i had to behave. I instead nodded and turned towards the now openly smiling young lady behind the counter while she clicked and scanned.

We waited a few minutes for our order to arrive and began eating the moment they arrived. Small chatter took up most of our evening and then a topic i hadn’t expected came up.

“We should get you a smoking hot chick for at least one night, man” Blake said between mouthfuls. I rolled my eyes.

“Why’d you think that?”

“You’re never with anyone, you’re always riding solo and it’s tough to watch” he said and a dull pang shot through me before i responded.

“I don’t know if i’m for that right now” i said while i wiped myself off, feeling stuffed. Appetite severely desecrated by my breaking heart.

“Don’t be weird man, just get a girl already” he pushed and i found myself feeling frustrated by his incessant badgering.

“I have other things to focus on right now, Blake” I knew I was annoyed, surely he must have sensed it too, but I smiled to help keep the conversation light. “That boy does not and will not want your behind. Tonight is not the night” my inner sexy-self spoke proudly. He was usually right. He was just as encouraging as he was discouraging. He favoured not the good nor the bad.

“Yeah well make sure you slot having a girlfriend somewhere in there, nobody wants to be friends with the frigid, lonely old man. That’s just weird” he said while he continued demolishing his pizza.

“Don’t be like that old weird man in your family, who did you say it was? Anyway just be normal for once” he said while chewing on his pizza.

If words dealt wounds, mine would have been fatal. My insides churned and my eyes stung. I’d opened up to him about my grandfather and how he’d been alone for all of his life and how that was sad and he chose to tell me in not so many words that he didn’t want me to be like that because he thought it was weird. My mind buzzed as i thought about whether or not i should tell him. I looked up at him; completely unaware of what he’d just said and done and decided that it wasn’t. It could never be.

“You done?” he asked and i nodded; not trusting my voice not to break. Suddenly i was dreading the rest of the night. I felt like my heart had been stomped on and broken, i couldn’t go on with the night but if i bailed on Blake, he’d want to know why and i didn’t have it in me not to tell him everything.

We walked in silence back to his room and he popped in an action flick and we both sat back and watched in silence.

“You want some sweets?” i turned to find Blake waving a bag of treats before me with the side of his face illuminated brilliantly and seductively by the glowing TV screen. I shook my head and turned back to watch the internet casino movie, wishing for the night to be over with so i can crawl back in my bed and stay there for days, months or maybe even years.

“You okay?” I’d barely registered the question until the volume was muted and Blake shifted beside me to face me entirely. I turned to face him and could do nothing to stop the lone tear the stretched languidly down the side of my face. His dark eyes widened while he looked me over. I just nodded.

“You’re crying, Danny” his voice painted with awe and confusion. I sniffed back the coming tears and smiled.

“I’m fine man, it’s nothing really” i lied, i would have to lie from here on out so i could be “normal” and retain his friendship. “You weren’t designed normal. It will kill you. You’ll be another statistic, another life lost, another boy who didn’t say anything” He was heartbroken too. As unbiased and sometimes callous as he was, my inner sexy-self loved Blake too. I was so hurt by the statement and judgement that it felt as though something had been crushed inside me, but i couldn’t show it to him or tell him about it, that was clear.

“Come one man, tell em” he urged but i shrugged. I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but i couldn’t. The tears flowed and i just stared at him while he stared back. I hadn’t noticed his hand over mine, but it was there. His thumb had begun rubbing circles over the back of my hand and i couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have him be so close and so far at the same damn time.

I couldn’t lie to him for the rest of my life; i couldn’t have him in my life and not have him in it too. I needed a way out of this because it was no longer healthy for me or our friendship; one i knew had come to an end.

“I have to go, Blake” i whispered, pulled my hand back and stood up. He stood up with me and kept his eyes on me the entire time. I sighed and took a step forward. He stood stock still in front of me, staring at my face and in my eyes and around the room like he’d been contemplating something. Maybe he knew he’d hurt me somehow, maybe that was why he looked slightly panicked.

“Please man, i need to go” i said, i couldn’t have offered him an explanation right there and then without revealing too much. I needed to be calm when i next spoke to him. He took a step back and looked down to the floor. I took a step closer and he snapped his head up and looked as though he couldn’t believe it. He stepped in front of me again and shook his head.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on man”

“I’m just…tired, Blake” i really was, I’ve been tired for such a long time and tonight had taken so much out of me, just standing there was a test of wills.

“Tell me the truth, Danny. Tell me everything” he insisted, stepping closer. They tell you the eyes are the windows to one’s soul. Like you could consider someone’s eyes and see it all; really look into who they are, what they want, what they need and what they stand for. IN that moment, looking into Blake’s hardened eyes, I saw a silvery determination I’d never seen in him before. Maybe the eyes are the windows to one’s passions, what they want to be, who they see themselves as, because who I saw staring back at me wasn’t the guy I’d known for almost two years now.

This was a man who was relentless. He was stern, unwavering and he scared me a little. “You’ve heard about all the homophobic beatings on campus. He’s going to beat you now. This is where your friendship ends. He knows and he’s going to do you in” for all the bravado in his words, my sexy-self was cowering in a corner, waiting for the blows.

“I don’t know what you…” The words only half left my lips before they were stolen from me when Blake moved in like a predator on his unsuspecting prey. Grabbing the sides of my face, he almost growled as his breaths burned through him. If this was how it was meant to go down, with Blake beating me up because i was gay, then so be it. I was too tired to do anything about it anyway.

“I just want to go” i said with my eyes closed. Pleading. The closeness did things to my body i tried swearing off but couldn’t. I was drinking in his warm breath and the smell of pizza and body heat. I opened my eyes to look into his for the last time before he did whatever he wanted to do and found him tearing up. Silver streams cascaded down the side of his face while he bore into mine and before i could ask him what the matter was he leaned in without any preamble and devoured my mouth.

That’s what it was. It was the ravishing of one’s lips, mine to be precise. The second our lips touched my breath escaped me and i thought i would faint, but Blake’s arms left the side of my face to hold me in place. His body knew what to do instinctively. It took me a second to understand what was happening, but once my brain caught on, once i felt his tongue sensuously sliding over my lips and once i felt his hot breath washing over my nose, i knew what i needed and wanted to do. I opened myself up to him and welcomed his intruding tongue and for what felt like hours our tongues danced and slid over each other. It was something I’d dreamed about for years now and it was finally coming true.

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