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Although the outside temperature in Boston was dropping, the heat in the apartment was still high. I had just experienced an orgasm with a woman for the first time. Tall, blond and beautiful, Beth’s presence dominated the room. To add to my emotional overload, I had promised to tell her what I had done to set off this chain of events. I took a deep breath and tried to compose this story in my mind. That was going to be difficult because my mind was little more than mush. I looked at her and just plunged in.
Beth sat at one end of her soft leather couch and I occupied the other. I was still flushed from the feeling of her mouth on my breast. Recalling how her soft lips and wet tongue pleasured my nipple made me shiver. Recalling how I rubbed myself to orgasm against her thigh made me burn with both desire and embarrassment. I took another sip of the champagne.
Beth sat still and waited for me to speak. I had told her I destroyed my life and I now wondered if I were being overly dramatic or if it was a prophecy. For about the zillionth time since Sean and Donna walked into the airport, my mind conjured images of the two of them naked and doing every sort of wanton sexual act. What possessed me to push them together was no longer clear. To say it seemed like a good idea at the time now seemed lame beyond belief.
I finished the bubbly wine and drew a deep breath. Could I tell Beth these secrets I held? Should I trust her? We were friends in college and saw each other socially over the years since then, but we had never bared our souls to each other. I thought I also had never bared my breast for her to suck before, either. Besides, she admitted she wanted to seduce me. The truth is she came damn close and I was not sure I would make it out of her condo without having my first full sexual encounter with a woman. As the soft cashmere of Beth’s sweater brushed against my bare nipples, I thought maybe it could be something worth experiencing.
“Beth,” I said softly, “I think I got a little carried away before.”
Her face darkened.
“No, not about the, you know…kissing and stuff. “
She smiled, “And stuff?”
“Yeah, well, I meant about saying I ruined my life.”
“Alex, you said you ‘destroyed’ your life. That sounds drastic. Look, I know you’re probably wondering why you should bare your heart—so to speak—to me. I understand. But, Alex, I’m here, I care about you and I am a good listener. I get the feeling you need to talk and, honestly, who else do you have?”
Thinking that the two people I could always talk with were probably fucking each other right now, I admitted to myself that Beth was right.
“Donna and Sean are in Aruba together. It is for a week of high intensity sex. And, I made them do it.”
“Holy crap, Alex. We need a lot more champagne to get into this.” Beth got up and walked to the kitchen. I admired her rear in the tight jeans. I urged myself to get a grip. Then, I smiled as I thought of how much I would enjoy gripping that ass.
Beth returned with a wine bucket filled with ice and another bottle of champagne. She undid the cork and the soft pop made my tummy do a happy flip. Leaning in she refilled my glass as well as my nose with her seductive scent.
“So, dear straight Alex, how the hell did you get yourself into this twisted mess?”
I laughed and shook my head. Fortifying myself with half the glass in one gulp, I poured out the details of the last couple weeks. As I spoke with my legs pulled up on the couch, Beth smiled, nodded and occasionally touched my knee in support.
“Wow, that’s the most fucked-up thing I ever heard.” She laughed and touched my leg again. “What were you thinking? I don’t mean that you were being stupid. I mean what did you want the outcome to be? What was your purpose?”
“I wish I had a good answer to that, Beth. I wanted Donna to have a good time on her trip.”
Beth arched one eyebrow and I understood how dumb that statement now seemed.
“Well, I love Donna. She is my best friend. Really, more like a sister than my own family. I wanted her to feel good about herself. She was in a funk over her love life.”
“You know she’s in love with you,” said Beth.
“Was in love,” I offered as a correction.
“Don’t be too sure about that, Alex. So, she finally told you?”
I explained how we discussed that she thought that Beth and I had sex. Donna revealed that she was hurt because she was in love with me back then and thought I had chosen Beth over her.
“I don’t think she ever put out that torch,” Beth said. “Did she tell you about her and me?”
I almost crushed the crystal flute I was holding. “You and Donna?”
“Yes, maybe I shouldn’t say any more.”
“Maybe I should strangle you until you do,” I said.
Beth let out a sexy laugh. “That could be fun. You know they say that partial asphyxiation during sex makes for a huge orgasm.”
“Just tell me, Beth. What happened between the two of you?”
“Well, it was some time after that weekend you and I had in Florida when we went skinny pendik escort dipping. Donna was all worked up thinking that you and I slept together.”
“I bet she just created that idea out of nothing.”
Beth blushed. “I might have hinted that more happened than actually did, but I never came out and said to anyone that we had sex. Honest. Anyway, Donna sorta flipped out. She kept asking me about you and what it was like. I didn’t say anything, because there was nothing to say. I told her she should ask you if she really wanted to know what happened. I gather she never did.”
I shook my head.
“Well, second semester senior year, we all were like skating along. None of us had any hard courses, as you will recall, and there was always time for fun. I think you had to go home for a weekend, some family deal. Donna and I went out with a bunch of our friends and drank ourselves silly. Back at my dorm, she asked if she could come in. We were flirting a bit and I figured what the hell, Donna is hot. So, we went into my room.”
Beth refilled her glass and took a sip. She put the glass on the end table and stretched out her long legs. “Give me a hand?”
She put one foot on top of my skirt and stopped between my legs, coming within an inch of my crotch. “These boots are so damned hard to get off, could you help?”
“Help you get off?” I said and grinned.
“Good one, Alex. I didn’t think you had it in you to kid like that.”
“Neither did I. Maybe I have other surprises as well,” I said.
“One could only hope,” Beth said and wiggled her boot.
I pulled her leg from my lap and held her boot while she wrenched her foot free. I then helped her with the other one. She extended her legs and they came to rest in my lap.
“Foot massage?” she asked.
“You are such a tease, Beth. Really, get a grip.”
We both giggled. Beth picked up her glass and re-started her story. She did, however, keep her feet in my lap and I gave in, pulled off her socks to reveal her pedicured toes in a light green polish and began to slowly rub them while Beth continued her story.
“So, there we were drunk and horny about to go into my room. Well, as soon as the door closed we were all over each other. Alex, seriously, do you want to hear this?”
“I think you can skip the play by play. Did you two screw each other?”
Beth smiled. “If you mean did we get naked, eat each other out and have a lot of orgasms, then that would be yes. And, let me tell you, Donna is great. Of course, she has a body to die for. I mean — her boobs. Oh my god. I didn’t think boobs like that existed in the real world. Even now I get wet thinking about them.”
“Uh, thanks, Beth, I think I have a clear picture now. Was that the only time?”
“In college, yes. You returned and she was back to holding her secret crush while being your best friend. Looking back, I see that it must have been tough for her.”
I let all this sink in. In the course of a few short weeks, I learned that Beth was gay and had a big crush on me. Donna confessed she was bi and also had a crush on me. To add to the mess I sent Donna off to have sex with my boyfriend. I also focused on the random, but frequent, lustful thoughts about Donna. Now, I was having lustful thoughts about Beth. My mind was spinning from all of this and from the many glasses of champagne.
“Beth, you just said that weekend was the only time you had sex with Donna in college. Have you guys hooked up since?”
“A few times. As I said, she is fantastic in bed. And, did I mention her boobs?” Beth flashed a coy smile.
“Beth, it’s like a fog has lifted and I’m seeing my life clearly for the first time. I never suspected any of this was happening. I only knew about Donna’s abysmal luck with men. Am I that naïve not to have known about all this other stuff?”
Beth rubbed her heels on my thighs. “Alex, you are about the most open and trusting woman I know. This quality makes you attractive. People like you because there is so little pretense. Well, that and the fact you are gorgeous. I guess openness comes with a price, though. You only see the bright side of life, not some of the darkness. Most of us have this dark side. I think it makes our lives more thrilling.”
Did I have a dark side? Was there some unrecognized desire behind my pushing Donna and Sean together? Could I really let myself go and let these buried sexual urges see the light of day? I wanted to think this through, but my mind was crammed full with processing everything Beth just told me.
“Why do you think Donna hit on you? You two never gave off any vibes that you were hot for each other,” I asked her as her feet made my thighs begin to tingle.
Beth laughed out loud. “Alex, what did you say they called us back then? Twin Blondies! I think Donna felt if she couldn’t have you, she’d take someone who looked like you. I wasn’t insulted. As I said, I find Donna sexy. At least she never called your name out when she came. I was spared that indignity, but I’m sure that was what she was thinking.”
Just maltepe escort as I was envisioning my life in a new light, I began to understand Donna better than I had before. Beth was bringing a new level of awareness to my sheltered existence.
My hands continued to rub her feet causing an occasional cooing sound from Beth. “I couldn’t persuade you to do my legs, could I?”
“Those jeans are not too conducive to rubbing,” I countered hoping to get her off track.
“They’re clothes, Alex. They go on and come off.”
I stared as her hands undid the snap at her waist and eased her zipper down. She propped up on her elbows, hiked her butt off the cushions and managed to move the jeans past her hips.
“A little help would be appreciated,” she pleaded.
I pulled her cuffs and slowly the jeans descended revealing her long, lean legs. With her feet free, I held her jeans in my hands, frozen in place as I stared at her tiny pink bikini bottoms. Beth shuffled her feet on my lap and I got the message.
Slowly I began to stroke her legs. Beth rolled onto her tummy so I had access to the back of her legs. As my hands glided over her calves, I marveled at the muscle tone under the smooth skin.
“You know this isn’t going to work,” I said as I worked the muscle in one thigh.
“What’s not going to work?” Beth replied in a soft voice.
“Thinking that you can seduce me this way.” My hand found the inside of her thigh as her legs parted slightly.
“Really?” she cooed. “Well, you pulled off my pants, you’re running your hands all over my bare skin and you are lusting after my sweet little butt.”
I laughed and slapped her tiny rear end. My pussy clenched as the skin on the taut muscle rippled seductively under my fingers.
“I am not lusting,” I tried to say with conviction.
“You’re staring at it,” she said. “Touching it and thinking about smacking it again, which I wouldn’t object to. And, I bet you were mentally comparing it to your own. It’s okay, Alex, I’ve done the same thing. I think they are remarkably alike. I would give yours a ten and mine a nine-point-five.”
I ran my hand up and over her semi-exposed cheek. “Maybe, if it weren’t for this cellulite.”
Beth spun her head around to try to look at where my hand rested. She caught the sparkle in my eyes and then laughed. “Good one, Alex. You almost had me.”
Laughing, I said, “Oh, I did have you.”
Beth said, “Don’t I wish.”
My hand froze in place on top of her small behind. She flexed her buns and I had to work hard not to bend over and kiss the exposed flesh. My rational mind was screaming at me to stop touching her. The sex-controlled center of my brain was urging my fingers to ease under the thin pink fabric and enjoy the feeling of her bare flesh. Was I finally letting the dark side sex monster loose?
“Beth, I’m going to stop now,” I managed to say when I found my voice. “I do not want to get sexually involved with you.”
“More involved than having an orgasm on my leg?”
“Shit,” I said. “That was not supposed to happen.”
Beth shifted around and sat up. Her legs were still spread and I could see a dark spot on her pink underwear.
“Really? So you think rubbing your pussy hard against my leg while letting me suck your nipple would not result in orgasm? Interesting concept, Alex. What did you think would happen?”
“God, I don’t know. Beth, I am so confused right now. Please don’t tempt me anymore. I need to think.”
Beth stared at me for a long time. I tried to interpret what was going on behind her blue eyes. The only result was that I felt she was stripping my soul naked with her intense gaze. As I squirmed uncomfortably on the couch, Beth blinked. Letting out a deep breath, she closed her legs.
“You are exasperating, Alex. I am so freaking turned on right now as you can see.” She ran her fingers along her mound and the growing dark spot. As her finger moved up and down, the lips of her pussy spread to allow the damp underwear to stick and outline her aroused sex.
“I want to have sex and you want to think! Now is the time not to think. Now is the time to act. We both are excited, let yourself go. I promise you it will be awesome.”
Tears began to roll down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Beth. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m going to leave.”
“God, now you’re crying. I can’t deal with you crying, Alex. Listen, I’ll put on some clothes. Then I am coming back and we are going to have the talk that you have been avoiding. As much as I want to fuck you, I also want to be your friend. I think right now you need the friend part more than the other…unfortunately.”
Beth went to her room. I finished my drink and poured some more champagne into my flute. When she returned, Beth wore sweatpants and a bulky sweater. She tossed my shirt on top of the table and sat on the opposite side of the couch, each of us curled our legs underneath.
“Okay, girl, let’s talk. What’s your biggest fear?”
I played with the champagne glass kartal escort and watched the bubbles float to the surface. It was the bubbles that gave the wine its unique texture and flavor. The turbulence caused by the fermentation enables champagne to stand apart from all other wines. My mind tried to understand if the turbulence in my life would end up creating a magical sensation or leave me flat on the ground separated from the man I love.
“I don’t want to lose Sean.”
“Do you think that might happen?”
“I don’t know. When I convinced him to go with Donna, I think I imagined that it could be an experience that would be contained within the week and isolated to the island.”
Beth moved closer and touched my shoulder. “What is making you have second thoughts?”
“I keep imagining them having this wild sexual adventure.”
“Isn’t that the whole idea of this thing?”
“I guess, but what if Sean really likes it?”
“Of course, he’s going to like it. Hell, I liked it with Donna. Oops, forget I said that.”
“See, that’s what I mean. Donna is hot. Anyone would love getting her in bed.”
“Including you?” Beth touched my arm as she spoke.
“What? No, I mean she’s my best friend.”
“So you have never fantasized about having sex with her? The thought never crossed your mind?”
“Beth, I’m straight.” As soon as the words left my lips, I thought they lacked conviction.
“Alex, you live a straight life, I’ll grant you that. But, I believe that our sexuality is not necessary a fixed point. Have you ever heard of fluidity?”
I shook my head.
“It’s a topic discussed a lot in the LGBT community. Some said it’s all bullshit and others say it helps people better understand themselves. Some years ago, a woman named Lisa Diamond wrote a book called ‘Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire.’ Alex, it is really controversial, but I think it rings true. The way I see it is some people believe that we all are born with our sexual orientation and it’s fixed. To me, sexual orientation develops across a lifetime. Individuals maybe become aware at different points in their lives that they are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
“In its simplest form, fluidity means our sexuality is a sliding scale. On one side, for example, is a One. A One is totally straight, heterosexual. On the other side is a Six. A Six person would be totally gay. The theory is that many, maybe most, of us are somewhere between the two fixed ends and can move back and forth along the line to different points. It appears that women are more likely to experience this than men.”
“Sounds kinda like New Age crap.”
Beth smiled and took my hand. “Could be, but it does help explain how a beautiful, sexual woman who always believed she was straight could be having thoughts about women.”
“I never had those thoughts before.”
“Maybe you never let them fully come into your consciousness,” she said. “When you were in college, did you never wonder what it might be like to have sex with someone as erotic as Donna?”
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“Never? Never one time did you touch yourself and have an image of Donna in your mind?”
My breathing became shaky. I did recall a number of times listening to Donna have sex in the next room while wondering what it would feel like to experience that type of passion. I also recalled masturbating to an image of a naked Donna having sex.
“I can see by your face that maybe there was something there. It’s okay to admit it. You had an attraction to Donna on some level. Sure, you never admitted to it, never acted on it, but it was and, probably, is still there.”
“Hey, we all have sexy thoughts. It doesn’t mean we will act on them. They’re called fantasies, Beth.”
“True, but you pushed her and Sean together. What do you think that means?”
“Damn it, Beth, that’s what I’m trying to figure out. I thought you wanted to help me.”
“I do and I think I am. Remember a minute ago I said Donna hit on me because I reminded her of you?”
“Well, I think part of your motivation was that you wanted Sean to have sex with Donna because it would be the closest thing to you having sex with her. Your man would be screwing her. In your mind, you could see the connection. You could replace Sean and in your dreams be the one taking her to bed.”
“That’s crazy,” I said.
“Yes. I’m messed up because I’m afraid Donna will somehow make Sean want her over me. You said she is really good with a woman and I used to hear her screwing in our apartment. I think she’s really good with a guy too. So, Sean may never want to go back to the way things were. I might have lost him.”
“Alex, first, you’re blocking out what you might feel sexually about Donna. Second, you are being too dramatic. Sean loves you. Right?”
“He says so.”
“Cut the shit, Alex. You know if he does or does not love you. Which is it?”
I remembered how Sean would look at me and smile. How he’d let me cuddle in his arms watching TV. I felt warmth in my veins as I recalled how he would listen to me and let me talk on. I remembered how he would make me feel with both his mouth and his cock. The best part was snuggling with him after we made love. I was sure.
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